I stand in front of the square mirror, and I do not see a face. I move my hands, and I do not see my hands. Where could this person be, standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror above the sink, where no reflection is to be seen? And if the person standing there isn’t me, where might I be? I reach my hand to the tap and turn it on. The water flows out and goes down the drain in the middle of the white basin. It is water flowing from a faucet that I turned on, but I see it as if through a pane of glass, as though everything were flashing by on a screen and not before my very eyes. I can’t feel things no matter how much I touch them, turn them over, handle them. There is some diaphanous film separating me from everything, a fine coating of rubber that sticks to everything—rubber and intangible, so I do not see it covering my soul and my limbs, separating them from everything around me.

I think about raising the veil off my body. I strip off my clothes and stand naked. I begin tearing at my belly, my legs, and my arms as though I might rip it off me. And since my fingernails aren’t much use, I run to the table, searching for anything that might be able to help. I find only some knives that I have saved from my food trays—plastic knives, now that metal ones are forbidden. I begin scratching and scraping as much as I can, in case the veil is invisible and beneath it I will find my actual skin, a skin that still feels, still senses, that still shivers in the cold …

“N!”

Luqman startled me with a yell before pulling me to him in a powerful embrace. “What are you doing to yourself, you crazy man?” he said in a whisper. His voice is different this time, and it’s as though he is choking back hot tears that catches in his throat. “You’re all bloody!” he said, stepping back and taking the knives out of my hand. “Come. I’ll put you in the bath.”

He led me by the arm and made me stand under the spray of the shower. The water poured over me and ran down the drain with a faint red tinge. He asked if the soap burned, and I shook my head, staring at him, submitting to his movements. I was afraid he would disappear if I so much as blinked.

“I’ve been waiting for you for days. Ever since I saw you down there, leaning against the lamppost. At first I was terrified, I ran to barricade the door with everything I could find. But do you know what? I’m not afraid of you anymore.”