Rand never actually said that; the line seems to be a paraphrase from a conversation Howard Roark had in The Fountainhead. Nevertheless, it sums up Caitlin’s approach to life and work about as well as anything could. A few people have asked me if that epitaph is appropriate, given that Caitlin was murdered as a consequence of her reckless pursuit of a gang of killers. I tell them I was never a fan of Ayn Rand, but the old hypocrite got that one right. And if there was a moral or lesson in Caitlin’s death, I’m too thick to see it. If you want to make sense of this world, don’t come to me for answers.

I’m fresh out.

I stand on the high bluff over the river most every day, trying and failing to piece my life back together as winter changes to spring and my father’s murder trial approaches. Dad’s being held in protective custody in Louisiana by the FBI. He wasn’t allowed to cross into Mississippi to attend Caitlin’s funeral. I’m told he beat his arthritic hands against the bars of his cell when he got word that Sheriff Billy Byrd would jail him in Natchez if he crossed the river—beat them until he broke some bones in his right wrist. I don’t know for sure.

I haven’t spoken to him since Caitlin died.

Forrest Knox is buried on family land, the former Valhalla hunting camp. Last week I parked my car on the shoulder of Highway 61 and hiked in alone, my pistol in my right hand, and searched among deep tire ruts and FBI evidence markers until I found the gravestone. Forrest’s marker bore a chiseled Confederate battle flag, which was a desecration of that banner, and also the words Unflagging devotion. I stood there a while, sick deep in my guts, only then realizing that I’d been hoping to cross paths with Forrest’s uncle—Snake.

After a while I kicked over the stone, dropped to my knees, and used the butt of my gun to smash the chiseled flag as best I could. All I managed to do was chip a few stars off it. Heaving for breath, I got to my feet and fired five bullets against the granite slab, which did the job. Then I pissed on the grave—a good long piss that steamed in the cold and muddied the earth—and walked back out to the highway.

Yeah, well. If you don’t want the whole truth, stop reading now.

If you go on, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Chapter 1