Jesus H.

My fingers rub circles over my swollen clit, begging, searching for friction to stop the pain. With a shake of my head, I stop rubbing myself and remove my hand from my panties. This can’t happen. Not anymore.

I sigh, feeling more sexually frustrated than I ever have before.

Aleck Fox… My burning fire.

“Aleck, I can’t.”

“Baby, you can… You want to, I know you do.”

“I do want to, you’re right. I really want to. I miss you, but I can’t.”

“If I could go back and change that last day at the resort, I would wake you up and take you with me. In a fucking heartbeat, Winter. I did the wrong thing and I’m sorry. I’m working on it. I’m working on myself and dealing with my past. Losing you, almost losing my dad, it changed me.”

Tears well in my eyes. Swiping them away with my free hand, I roll my eyes at the amount of times I’ve cried in the last two months. Loving Aleck has been torture. Actual torture. And I know not loving him will be even worse, but I know it’s inevitable.

Because what happens when we get back together and he realizes he can’t love me back? He said it himself, he doesn’t believe in love, and I do. I want love. I want marriage, or at least a lasting commitment. I want children… Aleck always told me how unappealing that kind of life was to him. I doubt he’s changed overnight.

“Aleck, I’m happy for you. I’m happy you’re working out your past and moving into a place where you don’t feel you need to be so in control all the time. I honestly never thought I’d hear you speak like this. I’m proud of you. But I don’t want to be your experiment—”

“You won’t be.”

“Aleck, I can’t be with you.” It was a statement we both felt, I knew. “I can’t go into this knowing how deeply you can hurt me. I chose Brian after he cheated on me because I didn’t want to destroy my relationship, not realizing I was destroying myself in the process. I choose me this time. I don’t hate you, and maybe one day we could be friends, but for now, I need you to let me go.”

Aleck’s breaths become heavy through the line. “Baby—”

“Oh, Aleck, please don’t. This is hard enough.”

Seconds of agonizing silence pass, and I feel like I’ve been holding my breath the entire time. How he must feel hearing me end this… But I have to care about myself first for a change.

“Alright, Winter,” he finally says softly. “If that’s what you want.”

“It’s what I want.” Lies. Though, I think it’s what I need.

“I want you to know how amazing I think you are,” he says, the pleading tone of his voice slicing through my chest like a hot knife. “You did everything right. This was me. I fucked this up.”