Just no more.

THIRTY-THREE

ALECK

Mental note: Dig a ten-foot ditch in the earth and bury my entire fucking body in it.

Gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white, the blood forced from my hands is now heating my forearms. I feel the fever rising to my neck, then to my face.

“I’m actually glad I saw you with her tonight. It gives me the closure I need to put you behind me,” Winter said.

“...the closure I need to put you behind me,” she fucking said.

I’ve never fucked up this badly. Of course, I’ve never had anything that meant dick to me at stake.

“Are you alright?” Rebecca’s sweet voice pulls me from the self-loathing rant beating at the walls of my mind.

Glancing at her, I force a smile. “I’m fine.”

“Aleck…”

My foot feels heavy with the need to be in a room with a goddamn punching bag and a bottle of bourbon. Not even the expensive shit, I don’t deserve it. Changing lanes, and swerving around a couple of cars, I speed up with the need to drop Rebecca off so I can be alone.

No one should be around me right now. No one should see the kind of beast I turn into when control has been stripped away. And right now, I’m about as out of control as an EF-5 tornado.

“Becca, I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. You’re about to kill us… Aleck, slow down.” She sighs, her eyes glaring a sunburn on the side of my face. “Why didn’t you tell me we were going there to see her?”

My stare sharp on the road ahead. “I was going there to see her.”

“Oh.” She nods slowly. “You’re mad at me for tagging along. You could have taken me home first, I told you to. And for the record, this anger is misplaced, you’re angry at yourself.”

Shit. Now I’m being an asshole to Rebecca, and that’s the last thing I want to be.

My smile warms. “No, I’m sorry. I’m glad you came. It was really shitty timing and a stupid idea on my part. What the hell was I thinking?”

“Why didn’t you tell her we’re not dating?”

“She wouldn’t have believed me.”

“Well, not now. She was blindsided, Aleck. You should have told her.”

I turn down Rebecca’s street, thankful I’ll be alone soon. “I should have done a lot of things.”

“Listen, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me—”

“You’ve done the same for me,” I add.

“Yes, we have become good friends, which is why ethically I cannot be your therapist. But to be crystal clear, it’s my professional opinion that you need one. You have so much to work through, Aleck. The abuse from your birth parents, your relationship with Hayden, that voice that keeps reminding you how undeserving of love you are…”

“Our sessions have helped me a great deal.”

“Okay, but those aren’t real sessions, sweetie, that’s just conversation. A fraction of the therapy I think you need. Almost losing Richard stirred up a lot of shit for you.”