What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is wrong with me?

“I’m sorry. That was awkward. I don’t want to be selfish because I know you’re going through so much, but you kind of left me in the dark here… Are we done or are you just dealing with this disaster? I don’t know… I’m sure you know how I feel about you, thanks to all the crying last night. But I never said the words because I didn’t want to leave myself so exposed. But I felt them. So, to be clear, in case you couldn’t already tell, I want to be with you. I know we agreed what happens at the wedding stays at the wedding, but that’s so stupid. Am I stupid to think we shared more than that? You said some things that made me think you wanted this too…”

I let my head drop back to peer at the ceiling, hoping gravity will cause my tears to roll back to where they came from and stay there.

“But if that’s not what you want… Well, I wish you would just call and tell me. Also, I know our relationship status takes a backseat to what happened to Richard. I know that… God, I feel like I’m being so fucking pathetic. And selfish. I’m sorry…” My voice trails off. Taking a deep breath, I muster the courage to end this damn message with at least a shred of dignity. “Anyway, give Midge a warm hug from me. Even Hayden, I guess.”

Say the words. Say them and be done.

“Goodbye, Aleck.”

Allow yourself grace, Winter… Something I didn’t allow myself when Brian broke my heart and convinced me I did it to myself.

Holding my chin high, I stand and walk to the front door until my feet hit my bags. That was the biggest train wreck of a message I’ve ever left anyone, but the sentiment was clear, I think. Life goes on, even if we won’t, Aleck Fox.

I lift my bags from the floor and walk them into my room when a light tapping on my front door lights fire to my senses.

Aleck…

I drop my bags to my bed and quickly shuffle to my door. Typically, I’d ask who it was, check the peephole, open the door gracefully, but the thought of it being Aleck, even though he has no clue where I live, makes me unlock and whip the door open like I don’t live next to a district in Pointe Blue with an increasing crime rate.

The giddiness I didn’t realize I was wearing drops when I see Keith.

“Hmm…” His enormous frame taking up most of my doorway. “I was hoping to induce a smile, not abolish one.”

“I’m sorry.” I shake my head with a smile. “False hopes lead me to believe you were Aleck, but that was stupid. I’m thrilled to see you, actually.”

Keith’s big, beautiful eyebrows arch with amusement as he pulls his arms out from behind his back holding two bottles of wine, one in each hand. “Let’s get drunk and watch Game of Thrones.”