Second, make it clear that he has a really great officer (you) calling the shots and that you’ll let him know if and when you need him for backup. He actually doesn’t mind being the background tank waiting for that special moment of heroism to arise—even if it never comes. He wasn’t bred to stir the pot or make trouble; he was developed to take action only when needed. But this is the twenty-first century and you don’t have a flock to defend from wolves or an army of Roman soldiers marching into battle. You don’t need him to guard the castle from marauding invaders. He will have no idea when his protection is needed or not, unless you show him and explain it to him. You step up and take the wheel. He stands down and chills out in the backseat, waiting for that big moment (which you hope will never come) when he gets to save the day.

If he sees that you are on top of things, he will be content to clock out. On the other hand, if he thinks that you are not paying attention, are feeling ambiguous or anxious, or lack confidence and assertiveness in the face of life’s challenges, chances are he will step up to the plate and gladly take those reins on behalf of the team. That’s just the kind of guy he is. Don’t expect him to take directions so much as pay attention to how you handle stuff that happens. Manage him in relation to the events in his environment in order to teach him (visitors entering, neighbors walking by, other animals approaching his people); use consistent routines and structure to show him that you’ve got this. If you appear to him to be confident, cool, collected, and on top of things (rather than passive, tense, and ambiguous) he will generally follow your lead. Instead of letting him run out the front door to greet your disgruntled landlord, put him on a leash and hand him some treats as you walk out to let him know it’s all okay with you (or even put him away with a nice bone in another room while you chat with a particular visitor). When you’re going for a hike with your best friend and her dog, ride separately to the trailhead rather than offering to pick the pair up at her apartment and pack the pups into the very small territory of your backseat. Don’t give him the chance to take over. Don’t “just see how it goes.” Think, plan, and give him lots of feedback for doing the right thing (like nothing at all), and take him out of the picture calmly and immediately if he takes action at the wrong time.

Lifestyle