Our job is to create a sense of a tight ship, one that our dog will trust to be afloat at all times. He needs to feel safe or he will be in a constant state of anxiety. While it’s not a perfect metaphor, think about how you would feel if you were on a boat in the middle of the ocean with no way to get off, no idea of where you were headed, and no sense of stability or predictability day to day. Most likely, you’d want a captain with a plan.

We need to demonstrate that we have a handle on the whole situation—daily life in the home with all of the members of our social group and the many moods and behaviors those people display. Being aware that even little events affect him, we simply want to show him each and every time that the captain has everything under control. When we realistically don’t, the best thing to do is to get him out of Dodge so he isn’t witnessing the chaos. For instance, when a grumpy person storms dramatically into the room, we could give the dog instructions to “Come here and lie down by me” to let him know that we will handle things and keep him safe, or simply remove him from the scene so he doesn’t have to wonder if he should do something about the tension.

Our dog’s family (be it two or twenty members) needs to be understood as a critically important element of our dog’s environment. We also need to ensure that his relationship with each passenger on the boat is healthy and respectful. This means rules for everyone on board to keep order and prevent chaos.

Every relationship boils down to a contract of sorts between two individuals. Trust is based on the understandings and agreements about the terms—what the expectations and responsibilities are, what rules need to be followed, where the boundaries lie, what the routines look like. The dance of the relationship between two individuals can be an unbelievably beautiful thing when everyone is on the same page about their own part and that of their partner. In each family, there is an atmosphere created by a collection of all of those relationships between its members—one that plays a large part in your dog’s overall environment. We can’t control every nuance between all of the passengers on board, but it is indeed our responsibility to have an awareness of the power of family in our dog’s life.