This canine relationship has the potential to be one of the most meaningful partnerships we will ever know. It is unlike anything else in this world—an honest and vulnerable friendship that invites us to exchange our own natural innocence, playfulness, and affection with another in ways not generally available in our relationships with other people. But as in all relationships, there is more to success and harmony over the long haul than just an emotional connection. There are certain natures, needs, desires, and expectations that a person and a dog each bring to the table. And there’s a lot more to the story than the warm, fuzzy feelings of love at first sight.

If you’re like most dog owners out there, you’ve come face to face with this reality somewhere along the way. When the honeymoon is over, you discover that a happy life with your four-legged partner may be a little more complicated than you had anticipated. But don’t panic. Dogs are more forgiving than most people, and are almost always ready and willing to cooperate as soon as some reasonable expectations can be established in the relationship (which might be more than you can say for your ex). When trouble arises in canine paradise, it’s often because we as owners have lost sight of (or never knew about) certain critical factors that affect our dog.

It’s far too easy to get caught up in the romantic notion of the “perfect” companion, holding every dog to a single black-and-white standard of our imagined ideal. In reality, of course, there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” dog, any more than there is a “good” or “bad” human partner. What it comes down to is largely just compatibility between two creatures’ basic natures, needs, and circumstances. Getting exasperated about all the stuff we don’t like about our friend—taking it personally and trying to change him according to our fixed standard—is simply a waste of time. Though well-intentioned, our habit of treating every dog generically according to our concept of what a “good dog” is, while disregarding their inherent differences, may pave the way to some seriously undesirable ends.

For Rebecca and her dog, Dexter, the bump in the road of their love story came when she moved into her new mountain home. Two years earlier, when she decided to purchase a Wheaten Terrier puppy from a breeder, she knew she was getting a highly active and intelligent dog. She was up for the challenge, and raised her wickedly adorable little pup from the age of eight weeks old on her family farm in Tennessee. They spent their days together hanging about in barns and fields. She made sure he had the best food, health care, and provisions from day one. It was a fairy tale, and they were on track for a happily-ever-after future.