A disgusting splattering noise came from behind him, and he turned to see that one of the cat’s hairballs had suddenly discovered gravity again.

“I hate my life,” he muttered.

“Lieutenant Rogers, report—”

“Shut up!” he shouted. “I’m coming!”

For some reason, the loudspeaker did indeed shut up. He realized a moment later that it hadn’t been a loudspeaker at all but Corporal Tunger standing in the hallway with a megaphone.

“What are you doing here?” Rogers asked. “And where did you get that megaphone?”

“Corporal Suresh issued it to me,” Tunger said proudly. “He said it would help me keep things orderly.”

Rogers squinted at him. “Tunger, do you even know what an orderly actually does?”

“Not even remotely, sir,” Tunger said brightly. “But I know chimpanzees!”

“Great. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a hunch I’m wanted on the bridge. Go back to Suresh in Supply and tell him I can’t work in zero gravity with all of my stuff flying around. See if he can’t find anything to help me fasten stuff to the walls or at least tie them down. And give him back that damn megaphone.”

“Yes, sir!” Tunger saluted and made his way back to the up-line, hopefully to get to Supply and get some of this idiocy sorted out. Tunger’s arm didn’t look like it was faring any better than Rogers’; as an enlisted man on the command deck, he had to salute every officer that passed him, and the deck was rapidly filling with bureaucracy-loving troops. Rogers retreated into his room for a brief moment, waiting for a clear shot to the bridge.

Just as he was gathering his nerve—and a brief space was opening up in the hallway that Rogers could run through if he was quick enough—his datapad beeped at him. He removed it from his holster and saw that he was receiving a call from another troop on the ship. At first, he didn’t recognize the face displayed, but that was because the name had been misspelled in the database. It was the ensign from engineering, but his name read “McSchmurdt.”

“Yeah?” Rogers said as he accepted the call.

“Hey, Rogers,” McSchmidt said. He hadn’t enabled video, so all Rogers could see was the database photo of the man. By the background noise, however, he was clearly in the middle of the Pit. Rogers could hear the hum of hoverlifts and the clanking of crates being stacked atop one another.

Rogers waited for McSchmidt to continue, but the ensign didn’t say anything.

“What is it?” Rogers said. “I’m kind of busy right now.”

“I was just calling to see how you were,” McSchmidt said.

Rogers paused. “I’m fine. Since when do you care?”

McSchmidt sighed. It sounded like he blew directly into the microphone, because the sound crackled fiercely.

“I feel like we got off on the wrong foot,” McSchmidt said. “These inspections have been rough on me lately. Congratulations on the promotion, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Rogers said in the most disingenuous form of gratitude he could muster.