As I entered the airport and checked my bags, no feeling of excitement or anticipation crept in.

There was only emptiness.

The ground shrank as it rolled by underneath the airplane.

When the flight attendant stopped by and asked me if I wanted anything to drink, I half contemplated getting a glass of wine to numb myself but then decided that would just make the whole situation even sadder. Instead, I sipped on a ginger ale, praying the bubbles would settle the queasiness that still brewed in my gut.

I hadn’t been on a plane since the day I’d gotten laid off. I’d felt so small and scared for what was next back then. I’d felt worthless.

When had that all changed?

Part of me thought it might have been the moment I’d first met Oliver. Even before I knew he would be someone significant. Bantering with him at that bar was the first time I’d felt even a crumb of pleasure. And then our first kiss…

Ugh, why did flying make me feel so reflective? If I started to think about Oliver again, I’d definitely start crying, and my eyes were still swollen from this morning.

Even as I tried to stop the floodgates of memories, they started to play like a compilation of our greatest hits.

From the moment I met him, Oliver had challenged me to live a life worth remembering. Every interaction we’d shared had changed me for the better. It was the kind of connection that only came around once in a lifetime, I was sure of it.

Despite the tears bubbling to the surface, the tightness in my chest loosened at the memory of us snowshoeing together. How patient he’d been despite how obviously out of shape I was. He had a knack for turning the things I dreaded into something worthwhile.

Pretty soon, I caught myself fantasizing about the future. But in my fantasy, there was no small New York apartment. There was no drinks with coworkers or a big promotion at work. Instead, I saw myself laughing over a picnic with Oliver. I saw us hiking, him always trailing behind to stay next to me. I saw us getting dinner with Mattie and Giles and Bev. I imagined myself going back to Denver with him and finally meeting his brother.

It all filled me with such an overwhelming sense of peace that I nearly jolted straight out of my seat at the realization.

I was in love with Oliver.

That wasn’t just going to go away. He had somehow become the most important thing in my life.

As the miles grew alarmingly fast between us, I started to panic.

What the hell was I giving up? The man of my dreams for a job? The thought made me shudder. What was I doing? Forcing misery on myself to complete some preconceived notion I had of my future? It was pure stupidity and denial.