The rest of the time? Eat. Sleep. Stare at walls.

When I start to fret, I stand on the little box to look out the window onto the main road leading into town. Bring back happy memories of when I was staying with Mistress Josephine, Winnie and little Rose. If only I could step back into that time.

The gaolhouse close to the port, a noisy place, where all the backra bring them sugar barrels. Slaves roll them down to the beach and into the longboats that take them to the big sailing ships travelling to the Mother Country. Is just like Calla tell me, all them many seasons ago.

Cross the way is a large warehouse and every morning a boy come park himself in the shade of the overhanging roof. Must be one of them free coloureds. Have a basket of fruit and sweetmeats that him selling. When a carriage get close, the boy jump to attention, try to make a sale. Sometimes I see a gentleman bang him walking stick on the carriage roof. Make the driver pull on the reins.

‘Whoa! Whoa, steady now!’

The gentleman lean out the window.

‘Over here, boy.’ And the boy run over hand him a little bag of sweetmeats, receive a few coins, hold them careful like they is precious. The carriage start up again, the young boy running long side shouting.

‘Thank you, Mister. Thank you.’

Is a wealthy town, this Montego Bay. Would be a good place to make home. I look at that boy and wonder what life would be like if I was him. Maybe I would be able to make something of meself. I know this is just fancy dreaming, because me life right now is going nowhere. Except if backra have him way, straight to the hangman noose. So I keep looking out that window like me life depending on it.

The night before the trial, worry and dread sit heavy on me chest, make me turn this way, that way on the small wooden bunk we made to lay on. And me mind always bring me round to Stella. How come is always me, her first born, that end up getting roped up in all her scheming. First with Massa. Then with McKellar. It make me toss and turn thinking bout what going happen to me. Hanged by the neck till dead? Whipped and punished for something I didn’t do? As to Sammy and Eliza, if me and Stella gone, they only have Calla and Melon to look out for them. Probably even get sold. The whole thing is just one big sorry business. And because of Stella, me sitting right in the middle of it.

The next morning, I wake early in the twilight time just before dawn. Give up on catching any sleep. Watch as the sun creep into the cell, cross the ceiling. Rise, dress meself in the clean clothes they gave me to wear.