‘Massa catch us. McKellar and me. Catch us in the long grass, laying together. Don’t know how him find us. Must be tell everybody him going to muster and then follow us. Stand there, looking down on us before him kick McKellar in him side. Hurt him bad. Drag me up off the ground by me hair. Start to beat me. Shout that what belong to him belong to him alone.’

Stella put her head in her hands, rubbed her face like she trying not to remember what happened next.

‘Me feel the chain him have round me neck. The chain him keep squeezing that going squeeze the life right out of me. And suddenly, is like a raging fire overtake me. A fire me been holding down, but can’t no more. Me chop him, Will. Pick up the axe and chop him. Chop, chop him,’ Stella said, shaking her head back and forth like she couldn’t believe she did it. ‘Chop him neck, chop him back, him arm. Would keep on chopping, but McKellar stop me. Is McKellar put Massa foot in the stirrup. Whip Massa horse, make him run. Held me, let me tremble and rage till the fire burn out.’

After the telling, Stella just sat there, still shaking her head, before she finally slumped into me arms and wept.

There was nothing left to say, to do, except try to give a little comfort. Was a big relief hearing the truth of it. Made some kind of sense that Stella took her eye for an eye and killed Massa, the man she loved, but also hated.

Finally Stella gathered herself up.

‘Is almost time. Almost time, little Will.’ And in the saying of it, the fear start to fill up in her eyes.

If only. If only, I kept thinking.

If only what? Stella didn’t kill Massa? Wasn’t sentenced to die?

‘Stella,’ I started to say, before I turned back into a pickney trembling before the hugeness of what going happen. Meant she had to use her fast-fading strength to comfort me.

‘Hold me hands, boy. Hold dem tight,’ she said. ‘Remember how it feel. Is only me body going disappear. Because me spirit, me heart, me love for you going always be there.’

I just kept nodding. Is the only thing I could do. Knew if I tried to say something, the peace that finally come between us would be broken. So in the stillness of that night, we just sat. Held hands until the silence got shattered. It was the sound of a rooster crowing, telling us the morning coming. And I lost control and started to fret, but Stella, she stroked me head. Hugged me tight. Calmed me right down.

‘Warden must be wake now. Him soon come, must get ready,’ she said.