Chapters (42)
The rain began to come down a little harder, and Gurdweill mechanically turned his coat collar up. He came out now into the Schottenring, crossed the road and began walking along the iron fence of the Rathauspark. A tram rang its bell and stopped; people crowded onto it; the tram started again, hooting hoarsely and vigorously ringing its bell — Gurdweill neither saw nor heard any of this. The pavements gleamed wetly, dark orange in the light of the streetlamps. Next to the railing of the bridge, under which the tracks of the metropolitan railway line shone in the darkness, he stopped for a moment, glanced down unseeingly, and immediately resumed walking. Without thinking, he turned into the Hauptstrasse of the Landstrasse district, which was rather steep at this point, and walked past large warehouses, some of which were still open. But the bright lights of this main street seemed to bother him, for he immediately turned into the first side alley.
When he said to her then, that woven shoes were not practical, and that you could easily catch cold in them in the rain, she didn’t listen … and now — could anyone really blame him? He would have to write her a letter, since he couldn’t go and visit her, and have it all out with her in detail. But she was dead, dead! The knowledge hit him with such force that for a moment it stopped his breath. He pressed his hand to his chest. He had to exert the remnants of his strength to keep his body upright, for the earth was pulling him down with all its strength. And tomorrow at ten o’clock, tomorrow at ten o’clock, she would be buried! Ah, what had he done, what had he done? If only he could put it right! He would have done anything now; he would have given his life to take it back, to wipe it out! A blind, bestial rage against Thea suddenly surged up in him, and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. It was all her fault! All her fault! Gurdweill thought he would go mad with helpless fury. He groaned aloud. And Lotte — why had she done it, why? She should have waited a while! In the course of time they could have worked things out! Didn’t he himself want to be free? All he needed was a little time: he couldn’t detach himself so suddenly, from one day to the next! And now it was all for nothing!