Chapters (42)
‘What can’t you do?’ said Lotte, turning pale as death. ‘What?’
‘I can’t g-go away … Believe me … Even if my life depended on it …’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s impossible, I can’t leave her … I haven’t got the strength.’
‘But you don’t even love her! I know you don’t!’
‘I don’t know. Maybe I love her and maybe I don’t. But I’m incapable of leaving her. I’ll never be able to leave her. Never.’
‘And me? You’re abandoning me completely? He’s abandoning me!’ She turned to some invisible third person. ‘He’s abandoning me! He’s staying with her, with her! All is lost! He’s staying with her!’
An inhuman anguish pierced Gurdweill to the heart at the sight of Lotte staring straight ahead of her at some point in the distance, as she repeated the same words over and over again. He fell at her feet, stroking her and covering her hands with kisses, coaxing her with murmured, broken words.
‘Please, Lotte, dearest Lotte, I’d do anything for you. Anything … But not that, you can’t ask that of me … You can see for yourself that it’s impossible … What can I do? I haven’t got the strength … Please understand …’
But Lotte seemed insensible to his pleas and caresses. She let him do what he would and sat there repeating automatically: ‘All is lost. He’s staying with her …’ Her eyes were dry and glittered dully with a wide, unseeing stare.