Lotte began again, her fingers dancing nervously on the table top: ‘For when are you waiting? For what? Haven’t you realised yet that things aren’t going to change? They can only change for the worse. Isn’t two years long enough for you to see what she really is? Everyone else knows; they’ve known from the beginning! You can’t be so blind! You think you love her, but you’re deceiving yourself — it’s clear as daylight that you’re deceiving yourself! Anything else is impossible. Or are you really such a simpleton that you can’t see what’s right under your nose? Tell me honestly: do you love her or don’t you? Yes or no?’

Gurdweill was in no hurry to reply. Fear and confusion struggled on his face. He had never yet asked himself this question with such brutal clarity. He had always evaded it, hidden from it. Now the hour of reckoning had come. He gave Lotte an imploring look, but she only fixed him with glittering, imperious eyes.

‘I … I can’t … It’s impossible to talk about it …’

‘Why not?’ goaded Lotte. ‘You don’t dare! Are you afraid of bringing down the whole house of cards that you’ve built?’

Gurdweill remembered that someone had already said exactly the same thing to him, but he couldn’t recall who it was. And in the meantime he heard himself say, in a voice that did not belong to him: ‘I don’t know … Of course … naturally I love her …’

‘That’s not true. You don’t love her! You’re afraid of her!’

‘You’re hurting me very much.’ The words escaped him of their own accord. ‘You don’t know how much you’re hurting me.’

‘And you? You’ve been hurting me for the past two years, day and night, without a pause! Did you ever stop to think about it? Yes, you! It’s all your fault! You’re all innocence, you let Thea torture you — and all the time you’re to blame for all my suffering! You, you!’ And she actually pointed at him.

‘But why me? What have I done to you?’

He looked at her with an expression of unutterable sorrow in his eyes. He had a momentary urge to fall on his knees before her and beg her to forgive him, but he restrained himself. He heard Lotte say: