Gurdweill fell silent. He was breathing heavily and unevenly, reliving the event as he had experienced it then. His last words had been spoken in a barely audible whisper, his eyes lowered to the table as if in shame. Thea said nothing for a moment. Then she burst into loud, uninhibited laughter. Gurdweill stared at her in bewilderment, as if her presence in the room surprised him. Then he too smiled.

‘Well done! Well done!’ Thea cried approvingly. ‘Here you are, rabbit, take this!’ She offered him a cigarette as if conferring a prize. ‘Go on — what happened afterwards?’

‘Afterwards? Afterwards I was miserable. I fell asleep with my clothes on, on the couch, and when I woke up the next morning, I felt as if something terrible had happened to me. I felt as if I had lost the most precious thing in the world, and lost it irretrievably. And then I cried. I cried for a long time. I was ashamed to leave my room. I was sure that everything was written on my face … And when I went into the kitchen to wash, I couldn’t look at Zushka. But she said, as if nothing had happened: “Did you sleep well, Master Rudolf? It’s a lovely day today!” And afterwards, when I went into my parents’ room, I lowered my eyes and blushed. I was sure that they knew everything. Soon they would begin scolding me. What were they waiting for? Why were they torturing me? I could not endure their silence and waited in great agitation for them to begin. But they said nothing. Then I told them that I had a headache and that I wasn’t going to go to school. I was afraid to show my face outside and I was ashamed before my schoolfellows. For a long time after that I blushed whenever anyone looked at me.’

‘And was it only that one time?’ asked Thea curiously.

‘No, lots of times. That same day, in the afternoon, she came again. And in the course of time I grew accustomed to it, and I no longer saw anything wrong in it. I even began going to her, in the kitchen. I went at night, when I knew that my parents were asleep. I was very attracted to her. She wasn’t ugly at all. And three months later, when she left, I was very sorry indeed. But a few months after that, I left my parents’ home myself.’