“I want to adopt a child who’s maybe three or four and has no one. People only want babies, so there’re lots of kids who need good homes. I want to find a child who needs me and give him—or her—a good home and a big loving family.”

“I know what you’re doing.” His face tightened with distress. “You think I’d be a good father, and you’re trying to replace the son I lost.”

“No, Aidan. You would be a wonderful father, but that’s not what this is about.”

He gave her a skeptical look.

“One of the things I needed to do when I came up here was to figure out what I’m going to do with this second chance I’ve been given. When I look back on my life before everything happened, the only thing other than being a wife that gave me any real fulfillment was being a mother. Jack gave me all that money, so I have the freedom to do whatever I want. This is what I want. If I’d never met you, I’d still want this for me. Please believe me.”

He studied the floor, and Clare’s heart skipped a beat as a jolt of fear went through her.

When he finally looked up at her, his eyes were flat and lifeless. “I can’t,” he whispered. “I just can’t.”

“Oh, Aidan. You can. You’re so great with the girls, and they already love you. I know they do. I want you so much. I want that ring and everything it stands for. We can do this together. Please.”

“I can’t give you what you want, and I won’t ask you to live without it.” He got up to turn off the stove.

“Aidan,” Clare cried as she followed him. “If it’s a choice, I can live without another child. I can. I don’t want to live without you, though.”

He shook his head. “I’d never ask you to make such a sacrifice. Someday, you’d resent me for it. You’re an amazing mother, and some little person out there is about to get very, very lucky.”

She put her arms around him. “Not without you.”

“I’m sorry.” He pulled away from her and left the room.

“Aidan!” When he didn’t come back, she dropped into a chair and wept.

Part V: Parade Rest

A relaxed position of attention.

Chapter 37

Kate drove out to Buddy and Taylor’s estate in Rutherford County the day after the benefit concert. Playing for six thousand people had put Kate on a high she’d yet to come down from. She relived the exciting night as she followed Taylor’s directions to a long road that ended at the driveway to their large two-story brick colonial. Behind it, Kate could see a lake and boathouse.