“I look upon Miss Crawford’s intimacy with those two sisters as the greatest misfortune. They have been leading her astray for years. Could she be detached from them!—and sometimes I do not despair of it, for the affection appears to me principally on their side. They are very fond of her; but I am sure she does not love them as she loves you. When I think of her great attachment to you, her judicious, upright conduct as a sister, she appears a very different creature, capable of everything noble, and I am ready to blame myself for being too harsh of her playfulness.

“I cannot give her up, Fanny. She is the only woman in the world whom I could ever think of as a wife. If I did not believe that she had some regard for me, of course I should not say this, but I do believe it. I am convinced that she is not indifferent. I have no jealousy of any individual. It is the influence of the fashionable world altogether that I am jealous of. It is the habits of wealth that I fear. Her ideas are not higher than her own fortune may warrant, but they are beyond what our incomes united could authorise. There is comfort, however, even here. I could better bear to lose her because not rich enough, than because of my profession. That would only prove her affection not equal to sacrifices, which I am scarcely justified in asking. Her prejudices, I trust, are not so strong as they were.

“You have my thoughts exactly as they arise, my dear Fanny—contradictory, but a faithful picture of my mind. Having once begun, it is a pleasure to tell you all I feel. I cannot give her up. Connected as we already are, to give up Mary Crawford would be to give up the society of some of those most dear to me; to banish myself from the very houses and friends whom I should turn to for consolation. The loss of Mary is the loss of Crawford and of Fanny.

“Were it a decided thing, an actual refusal, I should know how to bear it, and in the course of a few years—but I am writing nonsense. Until I am refused, I will not cease to try for her. The only question is how? I thought of going to London again after Easter. Then I resolved on doing nothing till she returns to Mansfield in June. But June is at a great distance, and I believe I shall write to her. I have nearly determined on explaining myself by letter. Considering my present miserable state, a letter will be decidedly the best method of explanation.