“Back off, you vampiric harridan!” growled and roared Mrs. Norris, showing some rather sharp and even bigger teeth herself, and looking, to be honest, not very well, and somewhat hirsute around the forehead. “Hands off my dear nephew William, you shameless hussy! What, you think you can take advantage of the situation and grab a bit of bite to eat? Not in this house, thou—whore of Babylon! Mansfield Park may have its share of monthly discomforts and unfortunate circumstances, but at least it is all in the family!”

Miss Crawford—who had indeed decided to take advantage of the present chaos to conveniently quench her own unnatural hunger—now hissed violently. And, though her fingertips had grown amazingly extended sharp claws, they were no match for the grotesquely large, hairy knuckles of Mrs. Norris. And so Miss Crawford moved away with a toss of her head. Really! There was plenty of other “feeding material” walking upright in other more discreetly situated rooms of the estate.

In the center of the ballroom, Fanny had freed herself from the death grip embrace of the Mummy, who had released her more due to his shock and tragic disbelief than any display of sheer force on her part.

Edmund, meanwhile, had discovered, just as Fanny had, days earlier, that the holy cross held no power over mummies. That, of course, made him utterly despondent, until Fanny lifted his spirits with the logical explanation: that these mummies were surely before the Lord’s time and simply had no notion of its holy meaning.

“Upon my word! there must be some other holy thing that can be used against them!” Edmund cried.

“Yes, as soon as I find one, I will be sure to inform you!”

“They are relentless, Fanny! They keep coming! Nothing seems to stop them! Mayhap, if I begin to recite the Lord’s Prayer—”

“Probably not the best thing to do at the moment; if you do but recall the cross and its lack of effect, dear Edmund—” responded Fanny over her shoulder, as she was backing away from the Mummy while also staving off two others with her rather useless fan. “In the meantime,” she added, “I can recommend an effective solution! They can be stopped, indeed, defeated, by plugging up their mouths! I can vouch for it! Stopper up the orifice with anything at hand—scarf, apple, table napkins—”