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Back Man at the Window Save as PDF
Chapters (61)
  1. Cover
  2. One
  3. Two
  4. Three
  5. Four
  6. Five
  7. Six
  8. Seven
  9. Eight
  10. Nine
  11. Ten
  12. Eleven
  13. Twelve
  14. Thirteen
  15. Fourteen
  16. Fifteen
  17. Sixteen
  18. Seventeen
  19. Eighteen
  20. Nineteen
  21. Twenty
  22. Twenty-One
  23. Twenty-Two
  24. Twenty-Three
  25. Twenty-Four
  26. Twenty-Five
  27. Twenty-Six
  28. Twenty-Seven
  29. Twenty-Eight
  30. Twenty-Nine
  31. Thirty
  32. Thirty-One
  33. Thirty-Two
  34. Thirty-Three
  35. Thirty-Four
  36. Thirty-Five
  37. Thirty-Six
  38. Thirty-Seven
  39. Thirty-Eight
  40. Thirty-Nine
  41. Forty
  42. Forty-One
  43. Forty-Two
  44. Forty-Three
  45. Forty-Four
  46. Forty-Five
  47. Forty-Six
  48. Forty-Seven
  49. Forty-Eight
  50. Forty-Nine
  51. Fifty
  52. Fifty-One
  53. Fifty-Two
  54. Fifty-Three
  55. Fifty-Four
  56. Fifty-Five
  57. Fifty-Six
  58. Fifty-Seven
  59. Fifty-Eight
  60. Acknowledgements
  61. About the author

At home he would go outside the house, but the questions lined up like soldiers chasing him. He would call the dogs, the dogs didn’t care what had happened to him, they were worse, they licked each other’s bums. He wouldn’t do that no matter what Captain Edmund said, he didn’t think he could live if he did that. He had to stay alive for his parents but now he wondered if they even wanted him alive. He dreamt that one day, if he could keep the door shut tight and his parents didn’t hate him, he would be able to take a dog, maybe Tina or Paddy, and wave goodbye. He knew what would be in his father’s eyes, but he could go, and go, and go, and never, ever have to hurt them. That’s what he prayed for even though he knew prayers didn’t work. He’d prayed himself dry many times and it didn’t change anything. Captain Edmund was more powerful than God. He’d told the boy that. But the boy was willing to try prayer again, maybe God was the next most powerful.

After midnight he had the school to himself. If he wanted to, he could go to the principal’s office window and pull a face. He didn’t because he imagined the face would still be there in the morning, even if the boy had gone to bed hours before. The principal would say to him, ‘What’s your face doing in my window?’ And the boy knew he had to stay invisible long enough to get away with it. He wasn’t sure exactly what he had done, but he knew it to be the worst of the worst. But Carmody had told him not to worry and that he was a good boy. He wished other people, his father, could see that too. He thought his mother was frightened of him; she pretended she wasn’t but she was. His older brother didn’t say anything to him now. He’d been proud of the boy when he first arrived and even boasted about him, but that had all changed.

Before entering the corridor that led to his dormitory he sat on the bursar’s doorstep and cleaned his feet. The doormat was like doublegee. The corridor was linoleum, it was always cool, like under the house. He could live under his house at home, while everyone was looking for him. He could watch them from under the house. No one would ever go under the house because of redback spiders, but he didn’t care if they bit him. If they did, and he blew up like a pumpkin, they could have a funeral.