‘Well, so far “Miss Knightsbridge Knickers” has warned me to stay away from “her” man and insulted both me and my dog. I’m certainly not a fan.’

Jack shook his head in feigned disappointment. ‘And there was me thinking she was single, and I might be able to woo her with my irresistible charm and Tom Jones impersonation.’

Diamond snorted. ‘The only thing men could woo her with is their wallets.’

‘I’m not so sure about that.’ Imelda fed Grisha the last of his sandwich and wiped the tomato ketchup from her fingers with a paper napkin. ‘I think the man she is claiming to be hers is none other than the Wall of Death rider himself, Mr Cillian Byrne.’

‘But I thought she’d only met him once – with Jeanie – at the Larkins Christmas party.’

‘Apparently, once was enough.’

The bell above the café door clanged and three young women wiggled in, chattering and giggling. They were all blonde hair, bosoms and broad smiles, with disarmingly similar features – like a Technicolor trio of Marilyn Monroes.

‘You must be Jeanie’s aunt,’ said the first one to arrive at the counter, offering in greeting a beautifully manicured hand with iridescent turquoise polished nails. ‘I’m Dolly, and this is Daisy, and Dixie. We’re the mermaids from Larkins. Jeanie told us to come here for the best bacon sandwiches in town.’

Recalling his Diana Bass and The Sardines joke, Diamond shot a warning look at Jack before taking their orders. Imelda introduced herself to them and promised that she would try to see their act before she started work on Saturday evening.

‘And we’ll definitely be coming along to you for readings,’ Dolly replied. ‘If that’s allowed, what with us being staff.’

‘Only I decide who I do readings for, and you’d all be very welcome.’

‘How are the rehearsals going, ladies?’ Diamond asked, handing them their sandwiches. ‘Jeanie was very impressed.’

‘They’d be going a damn sight better if Mr Mount would leave us to it and keep his hands to himself.’ This time it was Daisy who spoke, but her girlish voice was almost indistinguishable from Dolly’s. ‘He keeps claiming to see a loose sequin or pearl that’s come adrift on our costumes, but really he’s just trying to stroke our bums, or brush up against our boobs.’

‘Well, that’s not right, is it Jack? It’s a bloody disgrace is what it is!’ Diamond wondered if Ruby and Jeanie were getting the same treatment.

‘Certainly not! If ever you ladies want me to come and sort him out for you, just say the word.’