“You, my son, if I am not mistaken, seem to be endowed with the perfect degree of mental vacuity required by such a noble profession. I refer not so much to the fidelity with which you repeat in a drawing room opinions you have heard on the street corner, or vice versa, because this fact, while indicative of a certain absence of original thought, might well be nothing more than a slip of the memory. No, I am referring to the punctilious and statesmanlike stance you tend to adopt when expounding your views, for or against, regarding the cut of a vest, the dimensions of a hat, or the squeakiness (or absence thereof) of a new pair of boots. Therein lies a symptom that speaks volumes; therein lies a hope. It is not, however, inconceivable that, with age, you may come to be afflicted with some ideas of your own, and so it is important to equip your mind with strong defenses. Ideas are by their very nature spontaneous and sudden; however hard we try, they burst forth and rush upon us. This is precisely what enables the man in the street, who has a very fine nose for this kind of thing, to distinguish with absolute certainty the true bigwig from the false.”

“I’m sure you’re right, but that is surely an insurmountable obstacle.”

“No, it isn’t. There is a way. You must throw yourself into a punishing regime of reading books on rhetoric, listening to certain speeches, and so on. Gin rummy, dominoes, and whist are all tried and tested remedies. Whist even has the rare advantage of getting one accustomed to silence, and silence is the most extreme form of circumspection. I wouldn’t say the same about swimming, horse-riding, or gymnastics, even though they do force the brain to rest; but it is precisely in resting the brain that they restore its lost strength and vitality. Billiards, on the other hand, is excellent.”

“How’s that? Doesn’t billiards also involve physical exercise?”

“I’m not saying that it doesn’t, but there are some things in which observation trumps theory. I recommend billiards to you only because the most scrupulously compiled statistics show that three-quarters of those who wield a billiard cue pretty much share the same opinions as the cue itself. An afternoon stroll, particularly in places of amusement and public display, is highly beneficial, provided you don’t sally forth unaccompanied. For solitude is the workshop of ideas, and if the mind is left to its own devices, even in the midst of a crowd, it is prone to lapse into some unwarranted activity or other.”

“But what if I don’t have a friend on hand willing and able to go with me?”