“You do know what I’m saying, though. You’re at least somewhat self-aware.”

“No. I…” I pick at a bit of rosemary, rubbing the oil between my finger and thumb. “You’re not wrong. I try not to make waves.” Should I admit it? Oh, why the hell not? “The thing is, it’s more out of a sense of constant guilt than innocence. But that’s okay. I’m glad that people see me that way here.”

“Did you do something terrible back in America, then?” Jo narrows her eyes. “Kick a puppy? Rob a bank?”

“Neither of those. I did have an affair with my thesis advisor when I was studying for my Ph.D. He was married.”

It comes out so simply. Just a sentence. Not something locked up tight for a decade, just an interesting anecdote.

“Oh.”

Jo looks surprised, and I don’t blame her.

I’ve never admitted that to anyone here. Not even Hugh. Especially not Hugh. And yet here I am now, press embargo lifted, still somehow talking.

I pull my hair back and braid it. “It was, obviously, a mistake. It came to a somewhat public end, along with my academic career, and yeah. Now I tread really lightly. I was reckless and selfish and stupid, and that was my youth. All done. I’m not doing it again.”

A bright oriole stares at me from an empty feeder. I need to tell John I’ve spotted one.

No. No, he’s gone.

I let go of my braid and feel it unravel.

The bird flies away.

“I can’t believe I just said all that out loud.”

“I can.” Jo slings an arm around me. “It’s part of the Day. Everybody gets like this.”

“Like what?”

Fevered, childish. I swipe at my damp forehead.

“Confessional.” She smiles, stooping to pinch off a few sprigs of thyme, then squints up at me. “This was your…?”

“Ethics professor.” I shake my head as she muffles a surprised snort. “That was my focus, ethical philosophy, and yes, thank you, I do recognize the irony.”

“One day soon, I’m going to have you over and we are each going to drink an entire bottle of wine and you are going to tell me the whole story.” She stands and rolls her ankle, wincing. “But for now, focus all that confessional energy on preparing your speech.”

“So now it’s a confessional speech? This just keeps getting better.”

“It needn’t be unduly personal. Only heartfelt. You’re good at that.”

I wonder whether she’s right about that. The trick to treading lightly is that it involves a layer of varnish over your emotions. Reason ruling passions. I’m surprised Jo used the word innocence instead of iciness. I’m not careful because I’m kind but because I’m terrified. Because I was raised by a scorpion.

“And any word from a Treadway is a comfort; just remember that.”