‘You use your savings. Then you take out loans. Then credit cards. Then you borrow money from people you were in business with. That’s how you lose your house. I knew other gamblers like me. Totally possessed. There was this couple, we met when the temporary casino opened, we always said hello. She liked machines and he liked cards. When he had a heart attack at the poker table the casino staff came to inform her but she refused to leave the machine, said she’d go to the hospital later, okay, when she finished playing. I heard that conversation, I was a few machines down. I knew another guy who used to wear an adult diaper to the casino so he could keep playing blackjack—the only time he went to the toilet was to cut his wrists. I don’t claim to be better than them. We had the same addiction. Some died of it.’

‘What did you bet on?’

‘Football games. Boxing matches. Cards. Roulette. Poker machines.’

‘So, everything then.’

‘Except horses and dogs. I didn’t bet on animals. For a long time I gambled a little, without it being an issue. Twenty dollars here and there. After ’94, I had a big problem on my hands. There was something wrong with me after the shooting. I felt like my life was over.’

They walked through the dried-out park, Emily holding the voice recorder between them like a little torch. She’d never gambled, never cared for it. No: once, when she was fifteen, her stepfather Rick had placed bets on two horses in the Grand National, intending the race to be a father–daughter bonding activity, an afternoon at home in front of the television. They each chose ponies whose names had some appeal. Rick was not a regular punter himself. But neither horse finished the race; neither survived the day, both shot at the track. Let’s never ever do this again, Emily told her stepfather.

‘What was good about gambling?’ she asked Lucky. ‘There must have been pleasure in it.’

‘Sure, it affects your dopamine receptors. I got a hit when I won.’

‘Could you still get that thrill from gambling?’

‘Yes. No. I don’t want to find out. When I was betting, I got in a state of mind in which I thought I could make up for the past—for the mistakes, for the terrible things that happened—with a big win. It’s hard to explain. It’s shameful and I don’t forgive myself for losing that money.’

‘I’m interested in how the gambling was connected to the Third of April.’

‘If I talk about my addiction I’ll look ridiculous in your article. Am I worthy of sympathy?’

‘Yes, you are. A lot of people have this problem.’