I'm waiting for Paul at the school, two years since I last set foot inside the place. Parents I normally say hi to pretend not to see me. Paul comes out, he's taller than the others, Hi Mom, he gives me a hug, he takes my hand, he says, So what are we doing? We say our ideas, Jardin des Plantes, bowling. I tell him I might have found an apartment, a studio near the school, just behind it. He says that'd be cool, he'll come for lunch. He asks me to call his dad, we call him, they speak for a moment. We take the line 4 from Vavin, we get out at Saint-Germain, we go to Azabu, the Japanese restaurant on rue Mazet, we used to come here when I had money, a treat for those halcyon days. I've reserved a table, he smiles, he squeezes my arm. We sit at the counter, we watch the guy making the food, a real Japanese guy who looks like a pirate with his bandana, we're sitting side by side, everything's going well, we're happy. Afterwards we're a bit short on time for bowling. I ask if he wants to rent some Limes, the electric scooters that have been all over Paris since the summer, we both think they're great, we're having a good time, sometimes I forget how much fun we have, him and me, then just like that I remember. Then it gets cold and we don't want to be outside anymore, we're a little tired, we go into Saint-Sulpice church, we still have half an hour. We take the holy water, we cross ourselves, we light a candle, we sit down, he gives me his hand, we speak in hushed voices, we rest. I take him to the swimming pool for his lesson, he says, It's a shame you don't have your swimsuit, you could have gone swimming in the next lane, I say, That's a good idea, next time I will. I give him a hug, Bye darling, Bye Mom, he goes into the changing rooms, he turns around, he says really loudly, Have a good week, Mom!

The following time, Laurent sends me an email two hours beforehand to cancel. And again the time after that. And again on Saturday at the association when we're supposed to be doing a debrief on how Wednesdays are going. The association emails him, he doesn't reply. It's because of the hearing. They've set the date for February. Laurent asked if Paul could provide a statement. I didn't find out until afterwards. Paul told the judge he didn't want to see me, that he never misses me. He didn't say I was crazy. It was better than the last time.

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