The court case, the lies, the drama, I don't think there's much point talking to you about those things. You've seen for yourself what the justice system is, it doesn't take long to work out. And now you know what it looks like when love goes sour. It's good that you're learning. It isn't my fault if it's a little brutal. Life is brutal. Do you remember watching the bullfighting? How old were you then, six? Even then, people were looking at me like I was crazy taking you to see that. But I like bullfighting because it tells the truth. The truth about violence, fear, death. That's what makes it beautiful. We should celebrate the fact that it's possible to endure things. As for your dad and I, his anger towards me, everything he's said about me, to the judge, to you, don't take it to heart. Don't be angry with him. This kind of thing happens all the time, arguments between two people who once loved each other. That's the way it's always been, acid getting thrown in faces when people fall out of love. To be honest, I think it's much better than the people who have dinner together the day they get divorced. I prefer the truth of war over the hypocrisy of peace.

I don't know if you hate me. You don't have to answer. You're allowed to hate me. In fact, hate is a necessary part of love. There is no love without hate. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar or a coward. A child has to hate his parents, and above all, a son has to hate his mother. Yet so many sons aren't able to. Even a girl like me, who loved her mother like a son, even I don't know if I had it in me to hate her, and I think that's why she died, because she knew I would have never had the courage to kill her. She knew you must kill those you love, just to be sure you can do it, to remind yourself you always have the right. Love is nothing if not savage.

Don't be sad if you think of me, there's no use in being sad. But if you are sad, know that I think about you every day, I'm your mother, and that's something that will never change.

Love,

Mom.

(Letter never sent.)

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