Oh, and FYI, the creepiest thing is that the cats are mother and daughter. Imagine a sex orgy with your mother, and then think about this: If you had a baby with your mum’s boyfriend, and your mum had a baby with him, too, then your child would have the same dad as your brother/sister, and basically, how gross is that?

Friday, January 5 #Family

Mum sent an email from Ankara telling me about all the fabulous people on her team. How nice for her to be surrounded by such a great bunch. And how equally wonderful for them to be spending so much time with my mother. Maybe they can tell me everything about her one day.

Still nothing from Polly.

This is the longest we’ve gone without speaking to each other. Maybe I should check if Training Wheels is holding her against her will.

Saturday, January 6 #HormonalCocktailFromHell

I never texted Polly.

I was thinking of asking her to go to Starbucks, but then I thought I’d feel even worse if she was like: Oh, sorry, Phoebe, I’m already going to Starbucks with Tristan, because Tristan’s my boyfriend now, which means life’s all about Tristan.

4:00 P.M.

Get this:

I found Kate’s old medical books, and they’re changing my life.

Turns out Polly is the victim of a chemical shitstorm in her brain.

Out-of-control levels of phenylethylamine are basically giving her a personality change. Before her brain chemicals started boiling over, she was a normal person who saw someone like Tristan for what he was/is: a sixteen-year-old loser who can’t ride a bike.

But suddenly: crash, bang, wallop. Love hormones are being released, and now she’s like: OMG, Tristan’s so hot, Tristan’s so wise, Tristan’s everything.

So here’s what I’m thinking: It’s obviously too late for Polly (may her hilarity, her gorgeous mind, and her infinitely stunning personality RIP), but I can totally prevent myself from becoming a victim of this unfortunate condition, because I’ll recognize the chemical process in my own brain and therefore will be able to react accordingly.

Sunday, January 7 #DisprovingTheTheoryOfEvolution

Polly’s attraction to Tristan Training Wheels Murphy makes no biological sense.

Apparently we subconsciously fancy people we can make superior babies with so the gene pool can be enriched and the human race can grow stronger and better.

But Tristan can’t even ride a bike.

Now, this wouldn’t be bad/questionable/problematic if he could, for example, fly a plane. But he can’t. So what’s going on?

And how has Polly not called me in a week?

Maybe her brain is actually broken.

PS: Back to school tomorrow, and I’m sure all will be revealed.

PPS: I hate that I have to take the bus, because I have to get up an hour earlier than usual.

Thanks, Mum.

Monday, January 8 #BackToSchoolHell