I knew what was going on as soon as I got into the car, but I didn’t say anything, because I was like: If you think I’m going to make this easy for you, you’ve never been more wrong. And when we got home, Mum was all awkward, like: “Sit down with me for a minute, Phoebe.”

Me:…

Mum: Look, I have the opportunity to go to Syria for six months and help build a medical center at a refugee camp.

Me:…

Mum: I know six months is a long time, but I promise I’ll be back for your birthday.

Me:…

Mum: I’ve spoken to Kate, and she can’t wait to have you.

Me:…

Mum: Phoebe, talk to me.

Me: What about? You’ve already decided you’re going, so go. Bye.

Mum: Phoebe, I … The people in Syria need help, and … I’m a doctor. I help.

Me: When do I have to be packed?

Mum: I’m flying to Ankara tomorrow.

Me (leaving the room):…

Mum: Phoebe—

Me: What? I said it’s fine, so it’s fine.

Mum: I’m sorry, Phoebe.

Sorry? Oh, LOL.

We’re way past sorry.

When I tell people Mum works for Médecins Internationale, they’re always like: Wow, that’s so amazing, you must be so proud, but no one’s ever like: That must really suck when your mum goes away for MONTHS at a time ALL THE TIME to places where BOMBS ARE DROPPING and EVERYONE’S DYING.

No one cares about what it’s like for me.

I grew up literally without a mother or a father, although Dad’s dead, which is a much better excuse for being absent than Mum’s constant Mother Teresa complex.

Why have a child if you don’t want to spend time with it?

It totally runs in the family, too. Nan and Granddad moved back to Hong Kong where they grew up when Mum started university because: “We’ll always be expats, toodle-oo, and God save the Queen.”

I’m never having children.

I wish I could call Polly, but I’m definitely not speaking to her after last night.

And she still hasn’t wished me a happy new year.

Wednesday, January 3 #SeeYouOrNot

Mum dropped me off at Kate’s this morning.

In the car she was all like: “Phoebe, I know the timing of this is terrible. I know you’ve got GCSEs coming up, and I know how stressful that is, and please, if you need me to stay, I’ll stay. Please, can you just talk to me?” But I was just like: “I don’t need you to stay. In fact, I don’t need anyone to do anything,” and then I pretended to be doing something important on my phone.