Miriam Patel’s the same; nothing’s secret, nothing’s sacred, nothing’s even slightly intriguing anymore, because she has visually and verbally vomited her entire being onto the page.

Emma is the exact opposite. There’s nothing there. She only has one hundred seventy-five followers, which is way below average, and her last post is a picture of a Christmas tree from December 25. I mean, I never really post anything, either, but I’ve got five hundred and three followers, and I don’t even like people, nor do I ever follow request anyone myself, because it stresses me out.

In order to find out who Luke Skywalker is, I went through all her followers and everyone she follows, but I can’t see anyone who looks even remotely like him. Unless, of course, he’s an ex and she’s unfollowed him, but then she wouldn’t have that picture up anymore, would she? It’s also the first ever picture she posted, but he’s not tagged in it. Lots of people have commented, but it’s all like: “Lovely picture of you two,” or “Love, love, love.” So, that’s not really telling, either.

I’m giving up Insta-stalking for Lent, because the stress of not accidentally liking a picture from months ago (at three in the morning) or follow requesting someone’s random cousin twice removed is just too much. I mean, I love social media, but my God, I’m losing my mind.

And seriously, who’s Luke Skywalker?

Sunday, February 25 #GetMeOffInstagram

I Insta-stalked Emma again.

I think I need help. Social media addiction is an actual thing.

According to the internet, it affects two hundred and ten million people. That’s 3.2 times the population of the UK!

But I swear, as soon as I know what Emma’s all about, I’ll stop.

Here are the updates: Emma’s got three more followers since I last looked, all of them old, like forty, and there’s more comments on the Luke and Leia picture, but again, nothing that gives me a single clue as to who that boy is or when the picture was taken.

And still no posts.

WHY?

Where does she go, and what does she do?

And then there are people like Miriam Patel, and I can give you a detailed account of every single mundane thought they’ve had over the past twenty-four hours, as well as the nutritional value of their breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Monday, February 26 #TheEndOfABeautifulFriendship

Miriam Patel and I are over.

When I got to school, Polly was waiting for me by the gate, and she was like: “Miriam Patel is telling everyone you’re dating someone with Down syndrome.”

Me: Did she actually say that?

Polly: She was like: “Isn’t it sweet that Phoebe is dating a guy who is suffering from Down syndrome?”

Me (thinking: This is too good.):…

Polly: Tristan knows someone with Down syndrome.

OMG! Why do people always have to say things like that? “Yeah, like, I know someone who’s, like, disabled, too, like…” Shut up!