And the reality is, I’m not even a poet, and these are just words cut from a shitty soufflé recipe and then glued back together in a different order with Pritt Stick.

9:10 P.M.

I haven’t heard from Emma.

And I don’t know what to say to her.

Maybe it’s good Mum’s coming back after all, because I’ll move back to Kingston, and then I’ll never really have to see Emma again. We’ll be like Romeo and Juliet. Eternally without each other, except in life, not in death.

Monday, July 9 #Snogging

I didn’t go to the thrift shop today, despite the fact that I had fuck-all to do.

When I told Kate I’d cleaned the bathroom and hoovered, she looked at me like I was unwell, which I suppose I am.

I think Emma and I only exchanged twenty million bacteria, and now I wish it had been eighty million.

I want to kiss her again so much that I feel like my insides are going to explode if I’m left wanting it for much longer. But I don’t want to want it.

Maybe I want it so much because Emma and I are so genetically different that we don’t even make sense.

7:45 P.M.

I finally sent everyone invites via Instagram to my birthday, because Kate was like: “Get on with this!”

I think I’m proper broken in the brain, because I sent an invite to Miriam Patel “plus one.”

She confirmed immediately, of course.

If she wasn’t so secretly clever, I’d say she should give up school and be a full-time socialite.

I told Kate that I actually have no idea how to organize everything I need to organize in my life right now, and she was just like: “Don’t worry, pet. It’s all in hand.”

But is it?

Because the last thing I saw her doing was inhaling James’s soul in the kitchen.

Emma still hasn’t texted me.

I don’t know what that means. Maybe she regrets having kissed me. That happened to Polly once after she kissed Pete Abbot, because he thought they were literally married, and Polly was like: “Oh my God, I can’t believe I did that, I don’t even fancy him that much.” And then she had to have a super awkward conversation, which broke his heart.

Maybe I should text Emma and tell her to just forget about the kiss.

PS: In other news: Kate says that Pat says that Bill is obsessed with his new kitten. Apparently he’s finally left the house and walked to the pet shop to buy Mowgli a collar and get her a tag with his phone number on.

Result.

Tuesday, July 10 #Sorry

Got a text from Emma today saying:

Sorry if I did something you didn’t like.

I don’t even know where to start with that.

Except that she obviously doesn’t regret it.

OMG, and of course I liked it.

But I don’t like how it’s making me feel.