PPS: I reckon the hardest thing about being an actual poet is having to share shit like this with real people and not die of complete shame and embarrassment at the same time.

Saturday, July 7 #ChaosAndKisses

Today at the thrift shop we had a crisis meeting regarding Bill.

Emma: I went to see him yesterday, and he wouldn’t even come to the door.

Kate: Bad, bad sign. That man adores you.

Emma: He seems to have fallen into himself. Physically.

Pat: He sits in front of the telly all day, and it’s not even on. Melanie always said that he was driving her potty, because he was usually reading up to ten books at a time and always left them lying around all over the house. I haven’t seen him read at all.

Emma: Maybe we should get him a gift certificate. Then he has to get out of the house and browse a bookshop.

Pat: But he doesn’t want to do anything. Oh, this isn’t at all like him.

Emma: Dad was like that after Bradley died.

(Room goes quiet, everyone looks at her.)

Emma: It’s weird, because at first there’s loads to do with all the paperwork and telling everyone and organizing the funeral. And then you have to send cards thanking everyone for their kind words, and then suddenly it all stops and goes so quiet, and you just want to drown in it.

Pat (weeping):…

Kate (taking Emma’s hand): But you didn’t drown.

Emma: But I had my mum and dad to think about.

Everyone:…

Emma: I know that Bradley felt guilty for dying and making them sad, and I thought the least I could do was to keep going.

Pat (weeping hysterically now, snotty nose, tears):…

Kate: Oh, Pat, I know you’ve been trying so hard with Bill. And you’re still coming to terms with your own loss.

Pat: I don’t know what more I can do, Kate. I want to shake him.

Emma: Maybe we should do that.

Everyone:?

Emma: Not physically, obviously. But what about we give him something to do that he can’t say no to?

Everyone:…

Emma: We could say customers have been asking about him. Or we could say that Melanie would be so disappointed if she knew he was neglecting his duties.

Everyone:…

Me: Or we could give him a kitten.

Everyone (except Kate): Oooooooooooh!!!

Kate: Phoebe, you need to stop giving those bloody kittens away for free.

Emma: Why? Who’s gone already?

Me: No one, she’s joking.

Kate:…

Pat: He wouldn’t want a kitten.

Emma: Who doesn’t love kittens?

Me: It’ll be like a therapy cat.

Pat: He did enjoy going on safari. I suppose it’s worth a try.

(Everyone just looks at Kate.)

Kate: Oh, all right, ye total fuckwits. We’ll take a kitten across to him when we shut tonight. But ye’re all coming, and if this goes tits up, Pat’s having the bloody kitten.

Pat: Kate, no, really, I’m not a c—

Kate: I have spoken.