Oh my God.

All the other designer/half-designer kittens are girls. The nondesigner ones are going to have their tubes tied, and the designer ones are being left intact because the new owners want to use them for breeding.

I hate all that.

Why do we need designer ones anyway?

And even though, according to Kate, they are trying to prevent inbreeding, you just know that sooner or later, some cat is going to have kittens from its own father.

In the Bible this actually happened to humans when the daughters of Lot decided to have children with their father. I mean, it probably didn’t actually happen, but this could potentially explain why people today are so stupid.

Sunday, July 1 #Guestlist

How is it July already?

I spoke with Mum, and she was like: “Only two more weeks, baby, and then I’ll be home.”

This basically means that in two weeks:

a)  I’m going to move back home.

b)  Life as I’ve known it since January will be over.

c) I’ll be sixteen like everyone else.

I know I kind of agreed with Mum on having a party, but I don’t really want to have one now, because I’d have to speak to people all day, and I won’t be able to just leave when I’ve had enough, which is usually literally after five minutes.

I mean, obviously Mum would be there, which would mean she’d be the star of the show as usual, so maybe people wouldn’t even notice if I abandoned ship.

In fact that would be a bit LOL. Imagine it: Everyone’s leaving, and someone suddenly goes: “Where’s Phoebe? I haven’t seen her all day.”

Anyway, I told Mum I’d have a think about who I want to invite.

When Miriam Patel turned sixteen, she literally invited everyone because she didn’t want to “discriminate.”

She had an Oscars-themed party, and her parents rented out one of the pubs by the river. There were, like, three hundred people there, and I don’t think I spoke to her once all afternoon/evening.

Thing is, though, if I’m going to have a party, I’m going to have to invite her, because basically I went to hers.

If I invite Polly, I’m going to have to invite Tristan, especially now that we’re, like, BFFs after going to the lido together.

I’ll have to invite Kate, obviously, and maybe James.

And I want to invite Alex.

And Emma.

PS: There are moments when I wish I’d never met her.

Monday, July 2 #PoorRichard

Because Kate had to take all the kittens to the vet this afternoon, Emma and I agreed to help Pat in the shop and lock up.

Going in an extra day means that I’m obviously still not sticking to my How-to-Fall-Out-of-Love-with-Emma list.

Also, we had a play fight today.

It only happened because Emma whipped me with a tea towel, and so I poked her in the side, and she literally lost her legs like one of those wooden animals you get where you have to press the button underneath and they collapse in a heap of limbs.