“Yeah, that’s what they told me when I was twelve years old, to keep praying. I wore my knees out praying that my father would make it. That he’d open his eyes just one more time. It’s my biggest fear, Dominique. That like my dad, I won’t see my fifty-fifth birthday. I think that underneath it all it’s why I never had kids. I never want to put a child through what I went through.”

Again Dominique felt at a loss for words. Everything she could think of to utter could be thrown back in her face. Still, she had to try. “Jake,” she said softly, “you’ve said yourself that the heart problems in your family are due largely to diet and lack of exercise. Baby, you eat right and are in great shape. There is nothing to say that you won’t live a long, healthy life.”

“And there is nothing saying I will.”

“Tomorrow’s not promised to any of us.” After a lengthy silence, Dominique changed the subject. “Justin has asked about you. He wants to know when you’re coming home. So does his mom,” she finished in a whisper.

“See, that’s just it, Nick. Already Justin has grown attached to me, and if something ever happened ...”

“Please, baby. Please don’t think this way. Whatever is in our future, let’s face it together.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

Dominique thought her own heart had stopped. “What does that mean?”

Again, silence.

“Jake?” Dominique felt as if the moment were surreal, that she was observing herself in an unfolding drama. Surely what sounded like was happening couldn’t be happening.

“I love you, Dominique. And I love Justin. I don’t want to hurt y’all.”

“Then don’t!”

“But can’t you see, baby? The longer we hang out, the harder it will be if something happens.”

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take!” This is nonsense! She wanted to scream. This is crazy!

“I’m going to stay here a while, make sure my brother pulls all the way through. In this time, I think that maybe you ought to think about a life without me in it.”

Dominique was stunned, floored. She felt like a Mike Tyson left hook had come from nowhere and laid her smoothly out.

“Merry Christmas, Nick. I love you.”

Ten minutes after he’d said good-bye, Dominique was still holding the phone, staring at the wall, dumbfounded. This Christmas wasn’t merry at all.

51

51

Somehow, Dominique made it through the night without pulling out her hair. For Justin’s sake, she knew she had to keep it together. Faith was a big help. She tried to get Dominique to look at the bright side.

“He’s going through a lot right now,” Faith suggested. “And probably saying things that he doesn’t mean.”