Ethan found it interesting how his father viewed his return to New York so different from him. Ethan wasn’t anxious to get back to what he’d been doing, but he was anxious to prove to himself that he hadn’t lost his nerve. Would the drive needed to do his job day in and day out return? Would he ever be the man he used to be?

Deep inside a resounding no resonated within him. He’d changed. And it’d started before he’d stepped foot on Bluestar Island. In fact, it’d started before he’d been caught up in that fiery accident. Maybe it’d started the first time he’d volunteered his time off to build affordable housing.

But he had to admit that taking the leap from a reliable job with benefits to starting his own business was a bit intimidating. It wasn’t like he was a kid anymore. In fact since being in Bluestar, he’d been thinking it was time to settle down with a family. How was he supposed to do that without a reliable income?

“Ethan, what is it?” His father’s voice cut through Ethan’s internal debate.

“What are you talking about?”

His father cleared his throat. “There’s something going on with you. You’re quieter than normal. There’s something weighing on your mind. Is it Hannah?”

“Yes. But no.”

His father chuckled. “I should have known it was a woman.”

Ethan gave a slight shake of his head as he signaled to pass a slow-moving car in front of them. “This isn’t about Hannah.”

“So there is something going on.” His father grew quiet, as though waiting to hear what was on Ethan’s mind.

He didn’t want to disappoint his father. He knew some people might find that ridiculous since he was a grown man, fully capable of making his own decisions. But he’d always had a close relationship with his parents, so what they thought was important to him. He didn’t think he’d ever reach an age where that wasn’t true.

Ethan swallowed hard. “Here’s the thing…” It was easier to say in his thoughts than to actually put a voice behind the words. “I’m thinking about stepping away from firefighting full- time.”

His father was quiet for a moment. “This is about the accident. It’s okay. I understand that you’re nervous about going back. Anybody would be after what you’ve been through. But it’ll be okay with time.”

“Dad, it’s more than that.” How did he make his father understand what he was feeling? “Didn’t you ever wonder what it’d be like if you’d made another choice? Done something other than be a firefighter?”

“No. It was what was expected. It’s what I wanted to do.” His father shifted in his seat so as to look at him. “If it’s not the accident, it has to be Hannah that has you talking like this.”

“No. It’s not her either.” Though he did miss her. “This is something that’s been building for a while now.”

“Then how come it’s the first I’m hearing about it?”