Truthfully, I don’t think what I feel for Blake is love. Yet. I can imagine it blooming someday. He’s a good, solid guy, and I feel lucky to know him. I like spending evenings curled up in his apartment, and I like being here with him. But love is something else entirely—I remember vestiges of it from my relationship with Holden: at first, the obsessive way his name was always on the tip of my tongue, the giddy fireworks I felt every time we kissed; later on, the deeper understanding that he was someone special, despite his myriad flaws. Love isn’t a choice. Strategizing every minute of my relationship with Blake is. I feel almost nauseous with guilt, but I’m too involved now to change course.

I have to play this next move carefully.

“Do you . . .” I look up at Blake with big, adoring eyes. “Do you wanna get out of here and celebrate?”

He looks over my shoulder at the seated crowd behind us and laughs. “Ha, you mean, like, now?”

I worry that I’ve gone a step too far—that this is the move that will sink me. Asking him to leave his favorite event of the year must be wrong. But he drops a kiss on the top of my head and agrees to go. “Sure, they’re almost wrapping up anyway.”

“I’ll get our stuff from the table,” I offer, stepping backward already so he doesn’t have time to protest.

I don’t think I’m overreacting; I don’t want to risk an interaction between Stephanie and Blake.

I retrieve the phones we both left on the table, along with my purse. My phone lights up with a new text that must have come in while I was distracting Blake.

“Hey. It’s Raj. I just wanted to apologize in case anything that happened the other night was out of line. . . . I know things ended kind of suddenly. Is everything okay?”

I can’t help but imagine him hunched over the bar, biting his lip, punching out this apology text. I hate that he feels guilty at all. I slow my walk back to the door so I can respond appropriately.

“Hey! No, no, everything’s really cool between us. Just wasn’t feeling well all of a sudden. I can’t talk now—but let’s hang soon?”

I make a mental note to text him tomorrow. Raj is cool and hanging out together feels effortless; I don’t want to mess up our budding friendship. I slip my phone back into my purse and approach Blake with another kiss. It’s the kind of kiss that would’ve made me soul-crushingly jealous just two months ago. I know we look so right together. So smitten. His hand lingers on the small of my back when we finally break apart.

“I haven’t ever shown you my rooftop, have I?” Blake suggests.

“You haven’t.”