Even though it’s time for happy hour, I don’t have the energy to trek to Bunna Cafe in Bushwick for Ethiopian sangria, or to Otto’s Shrunken Head in the East Village for tiki drinks with tiny umbrellas. I text Carmen that I feel wiped out, and I can only handle something local.

“Let me buy you a drink at Hotel Delmano,” Carmen texts.

“You don’t have to do that,” I write.

“You’ll return the favor with the open bar at your wedding,” she jokes.

“Don’t jinx it,” I fire back.

Hotel Delmano is a cocktail bar in Williamsburg that used to be on my regular rotation of first-date spots. The menu has an impressive variety of concoctions using ingredients like green chartreuse, cacao, yuzu, and beet juice. The colorful pink-and-blue walls are artfully faded, and the curved wooden bar is the most elegant thing in the neighborhood. Most crucially, it’s less than a five-minute walk from my apartment. Carmen and I meet after work, and immediately order a round of cocktails and enough oysters to cover every available square inch of the table.

“Any news from Blake?” she asks, once the waiter has left.

I shake my head miserably. “Still nothing definitive. I texted him a few days ago just to check in again, but nothing.”

“Ugh,” she says.

There is nothing more she can say on the topic. Ugh just about sums it all up.

“Any news from Raj?” I ask.

“What, you still haven’t spoken to him?” she asks, sinking down in her chair.

I shake my head again. “Not since he stayed over.”

“Come on, Eliza, seriously?”

I groan. “It’s complicated!”

I never understood how someone could develop feelings for two people at once—I assumed that was only in the realm of cheesy rom-coms, The Bachelor, and people in open relationships. But lately, I’ve come to the uncomfortable realization that I can want both men at the same time for different reasons. Once I let myself acknowledge that, the full extent of my crush on Raj burst into bloom. Stuffing it deep down inside of me while I wait for Blake’s response has been torturous.

“I don’t want to mess with Raj’s feelings, you know?” I tell Carmen. “I feel stupid that I kissed him when he didn’t want to kiss me back. He basically said that he likes me, but I don’t treat him the way he deserves. It would be cruel for me to sulk about Blake in front of him. And right now, waiting for Blake’s response is all I can think about, so . . .”

She bites her lip and gives me a sympathetic look. I know that she talks to Raj regularly because they work together now.