His assumption of me was exactly why I moved to Texas and started over. I didn’t want to be the party girl anymore. He might have been my first official job as a publicist, but my first true image overhaul was myself.

I debated on letting him continue to think of me that way, but maybe we could connect a little more if he understood that I wasn’t just trying to cramp his style. I was a living, breathing example of what could happen if you took things too far, and I had to live with the consequences of my actions for the rest of my life. I let out an exhale and pulled out my phone to find a video I should have deleted ages ago. I honestly kept it in a secret file on my phone to remind myself how sloppy I used to be.

“This was me,” I replied with a cringe before sliding my phone over to him. He grabbed it and positioned the screen so that we could both see what was happening. I took a deep breath and hit play.

The video started off out of focus and jerky but then stopped on a very, very drunk me wearing only a red lacy bra and jeans, sitting in a bathtub, my muffin top on full display. There were towels lining the inside of the tub and dried vomit in my hair. There was a lot of giggling from my “friend” Legacy who was taking the video. “Giiirrrrrrllllll,” drunk me slurred. “I just wanna dance. NO! I gotta daaance. WOOOOO!” The tiny me on the phone screen then stood up in the tub and started gyrating her hips.

I could hear Legacy calling to some other friends who were at the party. “Guys. Amanda is TRASHED. Get in here!” Soon there were at least three more people crammed in that bathroom.

My new audience was just in time to see me try to twerk and then start violently throwing up. All over myself. Again. I managed to stumble out of the tub and sit on the bathroom floor. I aimed for the toilet but went in a little too hard and slammed my head on the toilet seat. When I was finally done puking, I turned my head to the side on the toilet seat and looked up at one of the guys in the bathroom. “Hey, baby. Wanna a blowie?” trashed me called out to a chorus of laughter as the video stopped.

I locked my phone screen and couldn’t bring myself to look at Oakley quite yet. He wasn’t saying anything, so to break the tension I said, “I learned later that I bruised my face and broke the toilet seat.” I snuck a quick glance at Oakley to try to see what he was thinking. To my surprise, he wasn’t laughing and he didn’t look disgusted with me either.