“There’s nothing wrong with keeping a food diary,” I argued.

“Absolutely, I mean, I track my own macros,” Oakley replied with his hands tossed up in surrender. “But I just want to make sure you’re being healthy…”

“This isn’t exactly the best conversation for a date,” I said dryly.

“Fuck. I know. I just… Have you always been picky about your food?” he asked, trying to be delicate.

I let out a sigh. “No. Not always. I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“Try. I won’t judge.”

“I was—am—really insecure. I spent most of my college experience overcompensating by making people laugh. Everyone loves the life of the party, until they don’t anymore. I drank a lot. I ate a lot. I fucked shitty guys because I didn’t think I deserved any better.”

“That’s so fucking crazy to me. I mean, look at you,” Oakley said while nodding at me. “You’re the most confident woman I know. And if we’re being honest, the way you boss me around is kind of hot. I can’t picture you as anything different.”

I smiled at Oakley, but that bubbling pit of insecurity traveled up my throat. I couldn’t help but wonder if he would have found me as attractive just a few months ago. “When my streaking video went viral on campus, it just highlighted all the things I’d become. I was drunk off my ass and doing anything for a laugh. I couldn’t handle being her anymore. People were cruel.”

“What did they say?” Oakley asked.

“What didn’t they say?” I scoffed. “I was body shamed by everyone. It was then that I realized I was nothing but a joke to these people. I’d created a persona that wasn’t truly me.”

I picked up a bite of sushi with my chopsticks and placed it on my tongue, slowly chewing it before swallowing. It really was delicious.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Oakley said in a low voice.

“I did it to myself. And yes, I developed an unhealthy relationship with food, but I’ve been slowly finding a middle ground. I like being aware of what I’m putting into my body. I’m getting to a point where I’m researching and learning what is good for me and what isn’t. This started as a toxic crash diet, but it’s evolved. Hell, eliminating alcohol was most of the battle with my weight.”

I paused and took a sip of my water before continuing. “Every time I took a bite, all I could hear was the cruel things they had said to me. But right now, with you, I’m just enjoying my meal.”

Oakley smiled. “I want you to enjoy things with me. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad I could tell you.”