‘Aw, Mam!’

‘Aw, Mam nothing. I’m not having you throwing up all over my clean sheets.’

The two of them could be heard arguing all the way down the street.

‘Wait till yer grandaddy gets a sight of ye. He’ll tan yer arse, so he will!’

‘I don’t care.’ As always, Sandra gave as good as she got. ‘I’m in love, Mam. Honest to God, it’s the real thing this time. Wait and see… it won’t be long afore I’m walking down the aisle. He’s asked me to marry him and I’ve said yes, and there ain’t nobody gonna change my mind.’

‘Away with yer!’ Rosie, too, was familiar with this tale. ‘Tell me his name, why don’t you? Come on then, let’s hear it. This fella who’s asked you to wed him… tell me his name.’ Landing Sandra a clip round the ear, she hurried her on. ‘That’s if you can remember it at all?’

‘Course I can remember it,’ the girl cried, indignant.

‘Ah well, that’s all right then. So you’ll not mind telling yer old mammy, will ye?’

Sandra was mortified. Try as she might, she could not recall his name. ‘You’re not being fair. How am I expected to remember anything with you yelling at me?’ she retaliated. ‘And besides, I can’t think straight when I’ve had a pint or two!’

At the door, Rosie gave her daughter an almighty shove, sending her into the front passage at a run. ‘I should think they’re all having a laugh at you back at the pub. Ye silly young article, have you no sense at all? Sure, there was no man, and no proposal, and if you’ve let him have his wicked way with ye, all I can say is, you’d better pray to Mary Mother of God, that he hasn’t made you with child!’

At this point, Sandra began to wail. ‘Oh, Mam! I can’t remember if we did it or not! What if we did? What if I’m pregnant?’

‘Then you’ll be sick as a pig of a morning. You’ll grow fat and clumsy and waddle down the street like a duck stuffed ready for the oven. And when your time comes you’ll go into labour and that’s when you’ll wish to God you’d never clapped eyes on the fella. Then o’ course you’ll have the bairn as easy as shelling peas, and afterwards I’ll chuck the pair of youse right out the door, so I will.’

‘Aw, you wouldn’t, would you, Mam?’ Sober as a judge by now, Sandra was beginning to panic.

‘Ah, will ye stop the whining and get inside now.’ Though Rosie’s anger was already subsiding, she didn’t let on. ‘We’ll see what your grandaddy has to say about all this.’

With that, the door shut behind them and all was peace again. Down the street, Alfie tutted. ‘It’s like thunder and lightning when them two start.’

Molly smiled, then Alfie, and in no time the two of them were laughing aloud.