“Tomorrow,” said Patrick, decisive. “Promise me. You just need to take them for a stroll, somewhere where there’s shade. Breathe a bit of fresh air. It’ll do you the world of good.”

And despite his irritatingly parental tone, she found herself considering it. It would be lovely to walk under the sky again, breathe the air, see what the birds were up to. There was an ache in her, a need to surround herself with nature, bigger in this moment than the fear that kept her inside the house.

“The girls from antenatal, they keep asking me to meet them in the Bishop Valley Park. They’re going there tomorrow, actually.”

“Perfect, then that’s settled.”

Later they ate Chinese food in bed, and she thought perhaps she did love him, that it could be just as good as before. But when the meal was finished he yawned, kissed her on the head, picked up his earplugs and went through to the spare room, leaving her to a night of snatched half-hours of sleep.

The babies were still more active at night than in the day. Six weeks, she had read, was the magic time when they could tell night from day, developmentally. Sometimes babies slept through the night from six weeks; perhaps hers would do it. She envisaged an unbroken night of sleep, but far from craving it, the idea made her anxious. Those precious hours were hers alone, safe in the locked box of the bedroom, just Lauren and the two miraculous boys she’d created from within her body, who belonged to her, who were part of her and through whose veins her own blood flowed. When the time came for them to sleep through the night, something would be given: the gift of rejuvenating sleep, essential to life. But like every bargain, something would also be taken: it would be another of those inevitable steps away from her and into themselves. Let it go on, she thought, this beautiful torture, the time of the sleepless nights. For as long as it will.

Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

The Nickert is a small grey person that lives in the water and has a great desire for human children. If they have not yet been baptised, he will steal them, leaving his own children in their place.

Kuhn/Schwartz

AUGUST 14TH
FOUR WEEKS AND FOUR DAYS OLD
MORNING

Lauren and the babies fell asleep for the third or fourth time (she lost count) at about 6:30 a.m., just as Patrick was getting in the shower. She woke again at 8 a.m. to find a note pushed under the bedroom door.

Don’t forget to go outside today

There was a smiley face and a couple of little hearts, which made her roll her eyes, but she found that she liked it. And, there was a PS:

Can you pick up some tagliatelle? It wasn’t on the order. I’ll cook later.