Doctor Summer waited patiently for a very long time. Then she said, “The police officer who brought you in said you tried to push the stroller into the river. Why would you do that, Lauren?”

Lauren dropped her eyes.

“I don’t know.” But again, she did know. The answer ran through her mind: I wanted to put them back where they came from. I hoped that, if I put them back in the river straight away, maybe my boys would be returned to me.

“I’m on your side, Lauren.”

Lauren thought, she thinks I’m mad. Am I mad? I can’t tell her the truth, I know that. She said, “I just … for a second I thought … it sounds ridiculous, actually.”

“Nothing you say will sound ridiculous to me. Believe me. You can trust me.”

No, she thought, I can’t trust you, writing things down. Who’s going to read it? How long do they keep the notes for, before they throw them away, wipe the record clean? Lauren wanted to say nothing, but at the same time had a strong urge to explain herself. Perhaps if she explained it in the right way they would let her go. Give the doctor something, half of the truth, or the old bat wouldn’t give up trying to find it out.

She cleared her throat. “Well, I just thought for a second that they weren’t my babies. But I was wrong, I know they were. Are. I know they are.”

Silently, while she lied to the doctor, her brain kept supplying the truth: I know they aren’t. I have never been surer of a thing. The thoughts were so loud in her head she was scared she would speak them and not even realise. Am I mad? she thought. I might be. What if I am? What if I’ve got it wrong and the boys are my boys and I did all of that for nothing? I feel like I know. But what if I can’t trust that feeling?

Doctor Summer wrote something down. “Is there anything else you can tell me about that?”

Lauren swallowed. “Only that I know it sounds insane. I know it. That counts for something, doesn’t it? I don’t think it was normal, to think that. I think it’s crazy. Crazy people think they’re sane, don’t they? I understand how it looked, I do.”

“We don’t like to use that term here, Lauren. No one is crazy. Within these walls, we won’t have any of those stigmatised insults. I want you to know that you won’t be judged. Nothing is too unusual for you to talk about. It’s simply words, feelings, brought out here into this safe space so they can be dealt with. Don’t feel you have to hide things from me. I’m going to help you, and being truthful is the first step to recovery.”