It’s important today, though, the visiting hours because he, my lawyer, said I might be getting a visitor today, after lunch. I’m going to be taken down to the waiting room, to well, wait I suppose. I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to know that. I wish the lady was here to brush out my hair but we mustn’t be silly must we?

There are supposed to be rolls with lunch today. The soft kind with the dusting of flour on the top that looks like powdered sugar or snow. What’s more is, they’re my favourite, so today really must be lucky, today really must be all for me. We only get them sometimes, the rolls, not often at all, and do you know, I think that’s nice. It gives me so much to look forward to. Really so much. I was shocked you know when I first got here and saw the food we were expected to eat, really shocked, but now, well, it’s easy to see how nice the rest of it makes the rolls seem, don’t you think? It’s important to remember all the good things we have isn’t it, to wear them like rings on our fingers? Not to forget a single good thing or we might lose it. It’s possible to lose things that way, if we forget them. If we don’t hold the thought of them all the time very very close to us. So, maybe a visitor, maybe a soft roll, maybe a bird at the window if I’m quiet and watchful.

It might be better if you left now. You see, I’ve got to get ready. We’re both busy girls today.

* * *

Oh, it’s you. Could you pass me a glass of water? I’d get up, I meant to get up, hours ago. Only I’m just so tired right now. So tired I could fall right through the sheets.

I think I might go back to sleep now, but if you leave a glass of water on the table, I’ll know it was you that left it when I wake up.

When I wake up properly I mean, and am myself again, I’ll know that, that it was you that left the glass.

It’s just that right now I’m kind of carrying everything, all the shopping I mean, all the little things, and I can’t move, and I just wish, really wish it would all push me into the ground. See I’m thin now and my shoulder blades could dig out the dirt underneath me like shovels, it could all just push me under right now, like that.

Why don’t you go and leave me alone. I’m too tired just now. It’s all just right now in front of me and I can’t play or be solicitous.

* * *

A carrion crow sat on an oak.

Do you know that one? I hope you don’t, it’s terrible. Isn’t it a pity? It’s always the terrible things we can’t forget.