March

Hark hark the dogs do bark.

The beggars are coming to town.

Some in rags and some in jags.

And one in a velvet gown.

Do you know that one?

Do you know it’s my birthday? Soon? Or maybe today? Or maybe it was yesterday? I never used to tell anyone that it was my birthday. Didn’t want to make a fuss. Well, look how that turned out. So Happy Birthday to me! Yes! Saturday’s child works hard for a living. I say, works hard at living. And I do! I’ve stacked all my troubles up in a heap and run at it.

Listen, I wanted to tell you, I’m sorry for, well, down there, in the basement. The other day, or the other night, whichever it was. I made such a mess didn’t I! Sometimes I can’t stop myself from doing that, after the treatments or sometimes if I think the wrong thought, sometimes we all just turn into meat don’t we? Become a body I mean. Sometimes we’re brought up against exactly what we are. But if I say, Désolée pour tout à l’heure, can we still call ourselves friends?

Do you know what that means? Literally? It means I’m sorry for everything in the hour. Or, I’m sorry for all the hours. Or, I’m sorry for everything that came before. Or, I’m sorry for everything and all the hours. I don’t know. I don’t speak French! I wish I did. I can only tell you what it could mean, what it possibly could, and I am! I am sorry! For all of the above. For all of it!

I would give you a present, if I had anything, to go with the sorry-saying. Something sweet. It seems like the right moment for chocolates. I would give you one of those little boxes that only come with two chocolates inside and a big ribbon to show the cost. I would give you the box and say, I was unbelievable! And you would laugh and say, You’re always unbelievable. And I would feel so relieved because I would know that you knew that I didn’t mean it.

Then we would share them. We would have one each and we would say, Aren’t we being naughty! And we would say, Look at us! And we would say, Thank goodness for Winter Coats! And we would pretend that it would never be July.

Honestly, I wish we were friends! You can’t know how much I wish that. I wish that we would sit down somewhere for coffee. Then, when we were done, I would get up and take your purse once maybe by mistake. We would laugh about this because of how similar our purses looked, and we’d laugh again and we would say, We never noticed that before! How could we have not! And we would trade back purses and smile and wave and promise to see each other soon. We don’t see enough of each other! you would say to me, when we were leaving. I feel sure that you would say that.