Is it not blatant species-ism to rank these creatures according to an arbitrary standard of complexity, thereby placing ourselves conveniently at the top? The Great Chain of Being went out with the Renaissance, except when it comes to deciding what is fit to be eaten. There is no philosophical justification for species-ism.

I decide to become a vegan, like Eugene. I whisper my decision into his ear between sets, and he smiles.

“Thank you!” He takes my hand in his. “Thank you for that. Our fellow creatures thank you. There is one less murderer in the world.”

The skin-to-skin connection between us fizzes with electricity. Or is it chemistry? Perhaps it is both—electrochemistry. The attraction is undeniable. I fantasise about what it would be like to have his hands all over me.

But first, there is an ethical dilemma I need to clear up.

During the interval, he pops round to the juice bar next door to get us freshly squeezed dairy-free smoothies.

“What’s in this?” I ask, sipping the bright orange beverage.

“Carrots, oranges, beetroot and mango.”

“I feel bad for the carrots and the beetroots.”

“Tell me more.”

“The whole plant had to die to supply us with food. It’s not right. The carrot and the beetroot are the taproots. They anchor the plant in the soil, absorb water and nutrients from the ground, and store excess starch for the plant to live off in lean times. When we uproot them to feed ourselves, we’re killing the whole parent plant. It is an act of violence.”

“But plants are not sentient in the same way animals are.” His dark eyes look up at me through sooty lashes.

“Well, actually, that’s a common misconception,” I explain. “Plants respond to stimuli and react to pain. They are capable of movement. There is evidence that they respond to music and voice. Really, the line drawn between plant life and animal life is arbitrary. It has no place in the mind of the person of conscience.”

Understanding dawns in his eyes, proving that he is just as capable of rational thought as any woman. “But if we can’t eat plants and we can’t eat animals, what can we eat? There’s nothing left.”

I smile, pleased to be able to clear up his confusion. “Don’t get hysterical. There’s an answer. Listen and I’ll explain. Have you ever heard of fruitarianism?”

“Fruitarianism?” He stammers over the unfamiliar syllables. “I don’t think I have.”

“You only eat that part of the plant that can be removed without damaging it. Fruits, legumes, nuts, and certain brassicas can be included in that category.”

“So . . . we could drink milk then . . . and eat eggs. And honey.”