I like foreign movies too. Have you seen Delicatessen?

He must be online because his reply comes fast.

Only about a million times. I can quote whole scenes from it by heart.

I can’t, so I decide not to pursue that line of chat.

A real fan! How about long walks on the beach?

He gets it immediately, which I like.

And sitting in front of a crackling log fire? Sure. I have a GSOH too.

An ironical reference to the pre-Cinder days of online dating. I like this too. I decide to invest more words in this conversation.

The trolls came out to play when I posted my profile. You were the only non-troll who responded. Unless you’re a troll in disguise. (Now you have to tell me if you are because otherwise it’s entrapment.)

He doesn’t reply straightaway, but I can see a row of bouncing ellipses which indicate that he is typing. And not just a four-word response either.

I think there’s a little bit of troll in all cis-het men. It’s better to recognise and acknowledge that part of ourselves than to distance ourselves from it. The more we isolate and drive out the trolls the less we are acknowledging our role in creating them. We are the supporting pillars of patriarchy, after all.

This is a deeper level of reflection than I was prepared for.

I guess I’m not used to cis-het men who choose to shoulder any share of responsibility. At least tell me you would make the choice not to participate in the kind of trolling that’s been flooding my inbox since I posted my profile.

More bouncing ellipses.

I find misogyny abhorrent, so I would certainly do my best. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Was this your first venture onto Cinder? Have you tried any other sites?

I decide to be honest rather than assuming a mantle of sophistication I can’t live up to.

This is my first. I’m an online dating virgin. Haven’t signed up anywhere else. This was my friend’s idea. She thought it would be good for me to put myself out there.

The reply comes quickly.

Is Lucy Lurie your real name?

I know where this is going.

Yes.

The Lucy Lurie that John Coetzee based his book on?

Yes. I’m the girl who was raped.

That’s the name of a book. I’m the Girl Who Was Raped.

That has a True Confessions ring to it. Like an article from YOU magazine. Whatever I was expecting him to say, this isn’t it. I type back:

Sounds like something I should read.

It’s completely relevant to you. The atypical South African rape. The stranger-danger rape. White girl gets attacked by black men she doesn’t know. It’s the least common rape there is in this country.