We started e-mailing. She wanted me to be open and honest with her, every step of the way. If I was going to embark on this journey she wanted all the gory details so that she could share it with me… and she wanted to know what I was thinking. And if I changed my mind it would be alright… she’d understand. Some of our e-mails were plain stupid. You and Phil sure you’re okay about a gay kidney, I fired off one day. Of course, came the reply, as long as it’s healthy and working well… it’ll give a whole new meaning to being gay friendly!

Beryl made an appointment for me with the consultant physician and nephrologist and made the arrangements for more bloods that could be sent for cross matching with Krista’s. I had to say something at work because I needed time off to drive to Liverpool. My boss said it was a noble thing I was doing, embarrassing me. The news came through that the match, though not perfect, was good enough, especially given that kidneys from live donors were preferable to ones from cadavers. If I wanted to go on I’d have to have an IVP and a renal artereogram, invasive procedures that required someone to accompany me to the hospital. Beryl suggested that perhaps Rhun would come with me: she wanted a chat with him.

As the weeks passed, Rhun had begun to realise that the chances were looking better and he’d stopped joking about it… in fact, he’d stopped talking about it altogether. When I asked him if he’d come with me to the hospital, the real possibility of it all hit him. He went ballistic.

‘Why are you being so selfish?’ he exploded. ‘Don’t I matter anymore? Don’t you care what I think about it all… what I’m feeling? What if something goes wrong? Why d’you have to do this?’

I tried to articulate it. With Beryl it hadn’t seemed so difficult but with Rhun I couldn’t find words. ‘So you think you owe it to her, like repaying a bad debt?’ he asked. I tried to explain what our relationship had been like… and the abortion. Being a gay man in my forties… no kids… leaving no real impression on the world… leaving nothing behind. What was happening with Krista was important and I had the opportunity to make a real difference in somebody’s life.

Very quietly, Rhun said, ‘And you don’t think you’ve made a real difference in my life?’

There were a few horrible days. I’d failed to explain my motives and Rhun curled up in his spiky shell and closed me out. The appointment card came through for the IVP. It was a glorious Saturday morning in May and we’d planned a hike up the Rhinogs.