“Water would be great,” I murmur, taking a seat on the couch.

His house is warm and inviting. He has pictures of his family and friends dusted throughout the living room and dining room, a wall plug-in next to the TV that makes the room smell like the beach, and a large, plush, cream-colored blanket thrown across the back of his black leather couch.

A few moments later, he joins me on the couch, handing me a bottle of water before bringing a glass of amber liquid to his lips. I watch, enraptured, as his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows.

A feeling of dread settles in my gut. Not knowing how he’s going to react to what I’m about to tell him is unsettling. But it’s sink or swim; he deserves to know. I don’t even know where or how to start. I’ve put this off for too long. Aside from Molly, Julian, and my therapist, nobody knows this story. The thought of even speaking the words aloud is debilitating. Any icy-cold chill races down my spine as I think of how to put this into words.

Running my hand through my still soaked hair, I let out a heavy breath before diving in.

“Okay, so I want to begin this by saying when I left, I was in a really fucked up head space. Not saying that is any excuse for what I did or how I did it. I just need you to know that.”

Peering over at him apprehensively, he’s watching me, but his face is void of any emotion. His knee is bouncing a mile a minute, though. I wish I could get inside his head and know what’s running through it. Know what stories he’s put together over the years, trying to make sense of everything.

When he doesn’t say anything, I continue. “There’s no easy or gentle way to start this, so I’m just going to dive in. When I drove to the frat house that last night and we talked about my divorce and selling my house, and plans for after graduation, I meant it. Wholeheartedly. I didn’t skip town because I had a change of heart and decided to stay with Aida.”

I watch him as he takes that in. His thick, dark brows pinch together as his sheepish gaze darts to mine. “What?”

“I assume that’s what you’ve thought all these years… that I decided to leave you and stay with her. But that’s not the case.”

Another deep breath out. I can do this.