“Because!” I throw my hands in the air. “At least then it would’ve been clear he was doing it just to get my attention. He didn’t even want me to know. It was fucking selfless, and I can’t fucking handle that, Kylie!”

The bottle is brought back up to my lips, pouring another shot into my mouth. I’m fucking losing it. My world feels like it’s crumbling, and I can’t do anything to stop it. All my hard work trying to avoid him is fucking futile.

Just then, as I’m trying to fight off a goddamn panic attack, the sky rumbles and roars, reminding me of him even more. Stolen kisses in the dark, roaming hands, hard bodies, heavy breathing, whiskey.

Fuck!

“Why do you think this freaks you out so much more than if he was out in the open about it?” She’s speaking to me calmly, her voice soothing as her kind, gentle eyes watch me.

“Because he wasn’t trying to earn brownie points or win me over. He was genuinely trying to make my day better, and that means he actually cares about me.”

“Did you think he didn’t care?”

“I…” Groaning, I rub my forehead before raking my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know what I fucking thought, but this is too much. It’s fucking thoughtful and nice, and it makes me feel shit I don’t want to fucking feel, Ky.”

She watches me with a sympathetic expression painted on her face. Truthfully, I sound ridiculous, and she probably doesn’t know what to say. Not that I blame her.

“What did he say when you figured out it was him?”

“He said it wasn’t a big deal and that the coffee cart is in his line of sight from his office, so he knows I go there every morning. I still don’t know how he knew to find me at the pool, though. And why now? Two whole months after our last run-in together.”

I bring the bottle to my lips again. The vodka tingles on my tongue before it creates a warm trail from my throat to my gut. If only I could get drunk enough to forget all of this permanently.

I’m startled from my thoughts when thunder roars, vibrating the house, before the dark night is lit up by bolts of lightning. Rain patters against the window as it beats down unforgivingly and the wind whips around outside. The lights flicker and I bring my attention back to my phone when I hear Kylie talking.

“What are you going to do?” Her elbows are planted on the counter, palms cradling her chin, as she studies me.

“Fuck if I know.” As my fingers wrap around the icy cold neck of the bottle, a pounding sounds at the door. What the fuck?

“Are you expecting someone?” Kylie asks curiously.