It’s been two months since Cash and I made out at the fundraiser and since we spoke about anything non-work related. That night I called him and spoke my feelings into dead air. He didn’t say anything, but I knew he was listening. I told myself after that night, I’d respect him and give him his space. It was much harder than I thought it would be.

But I did it.

I didn’t reach out, didn’t bother him, and when he saw me in the halls or in the office, he would act like I was just another colleague. His Instagram has been my favorite pastime, just like it has been for years. I watched his life through a series of pictures and videos.

He’s done a lot of swimming, a lot of writing, and he spent his winter break with his family in Dallas, then spent New Year’s in California with his friend, Kylie. That was the only time I let myself give in and call him. I was drunk and lonely. Of course, he didn’t answer. In fact, he denied the call altogether. Didn’t even let it ring through to voicemail.

My New Year’s Resolution: Get him back. He fell for me once; he trusted me once. I’m determined to get back to that place with him. After the kiss at the fundraising event, I knew he needed time. Which I’ve given him. But time’s up. I’m done sitting around, waiting. Done being unhappy when I know with full certainty that we could be happy together. I’m done waiting because I know he feels the same; he’s just too hurt and stubborn to admit that. Which is how I found myself outside of the university’s aquatic center at a quarter to eight this morning.

I’ve watched Cash through his social media enough times to know he swims every single morning before work. Without fail. And right before he goes to his first class, he stops at the coffee cart to grab an iced coffee.

Okay, the last part I didn’t learn by watching his Instagram. I’ve just happened to see him there enough times since it’s located by the main building, and I can see the cart from my office window.

God, I sound like such a fucking creep.

Taking the steps to the aquatic center two at a time, I pull open the wide glass door and make my way inside. It’s quiet. I’d imagine not many people come here this early. If I remember correctly, our swim team doesn’t practice until the afternoon.