Kissing him is like coming home after too long. It’s the feeling of sleeping in your bed for the first time after being exhausted and worn down. It’s when it rains for weeks at a time, then you go outside, and that first ray of sunshine hits your face, and you feel warmth deep in your bones.

He’s sunshine after a storm.

As quickly as it started, though, it’s over. He rips his body from mine with a snarl and storms out of the room, and this time, I don’t follow him. I have no right to. Because as great as the sunshine feels, it never lasts. The rain always comes back, washing away the remnants of the warmth.

I allow my back to slide down the wall until my ass hits the cold, hard floor. Dragging my knees up, I rest my forearms on them as my head hangs. My mind drifts back to that night five years ago that put me in this mess to begin with. The one I try to avoid thinking about. The night everything changed.

“Stone, please!” Aida’s voice is shrill and full of pleading.

“Aida, we’ve talked about this.” I pinch the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger. “In great detail. We aren’t working anymore, and we haven’t for many, many years. There’s no saving us—you agreed—so, I don’t know where this is coming from.”

She downs the rest of her wine, pouring another glass. I can’t tell if she’s this worked up because she’s drunk, or if she’s drinking because she’s this worked up, but either way, it’s not good. Nothing good ever comes from drunken arguments, even if one of us is sober. It’s like talking to a brick wall—a loud, stubborn brick wall. Her emotions have been all over the place lately. First, she agrees that we should get a divorce, next she’s heartbroken and inconsolable, then she’s angry and raging. She’s been drinking more and more, and I never know which version of her I’m going to come home to.

“We’ve been together since we were teenagers, Stone. How can you just throw all that away? Don’t you love me?”

I rub my hand over my face, sighing. “Aida, stop. You know I love you, and I probably always will, but we aren’t in love anymore.”

I feel the choked cry that escapes her deep in my gut. I meant what I said; I will always have love for her, and hurting her isn’t easy, nor is it something I want to do. But staying married just for the sake of staying married isn’t logical or healthy.